I went Haywire...

Wow, I went haywire. I feel like my mind is clear again. I got excited about the body transformation challenge and of course told my friends and relatives. Things were going pretty well. I was excited and seeing weight loss pretty consistently.

Then I went haywire… I’ve been heavy for a while. Really heavy since my hysterectomy a couple of years ago. September 9th 2005 to be exact. Changing your body composition. Losing fat, gaining muscle, becoming sleek and athletic is not just a physical thing. It’s a psychological and spiritual thing as well.

Saying that I want to lose weight and actually doing it are definitely two different things. My fat suit has been a safe place to hide for years. People around me see me a certain way and when I start changing that they tend to panic as well. Many of you who have made changes in your lives or are working on changing your lives have encountered the same type of things.

The past couple of weeks it’s been one crisis after another. Both in my mind and laid at my feet by friends and relatives. My main coping system for the past few years has been to eat until my mind is numb. Then collapse on the couch in font of some mind numbing television program or stare at the wall in a fugue state. Ok now I know what’s happening. Actually took responsibility for it and I am journaling rather than eating.

During the 2 week stretch that I went haywire, yes I had moments of clarity. If not I wouldn’t be here now. This is another step in the process of change.

I am getting stronger, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Frankly I could do without the process, but then growth in any form is always a process.

I’ll leave you with this little poem… I don’t know who wrote it, but it is well worth reading. Then I’m out the door to to take care of the kennels…

Don’t Quit
When Things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a person turns about
When they might have won had they stuck it out
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow—
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup:
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out—
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

Life is a journey... sometimes there are rocks in the road...
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians