2012: No Resolutions: One Major Goal!

2012 it amazes me that it is actually year 2012. I remember being terrified of year 2000 when I was a child. I remember thinking... that's the year I turn 40, and for some reason it seemed absolutely horrific. Well 2000 has come and gone, along with all the doomsday sayers for that year, and I am still here.

Of course we have a whole new spate of end of world fear mongers, and fear marketers, focused in on 2012. What do I think about all that? I think I will live until it is no longer my time to be in this life then I will no longer be here, and that is as it should be. I believe the fear mongers are seeking power by terrifying people, and the fear marketers, are using fear to make money. Frankly I believe both actions are disgraceful.

I did not make a list of resolutions for 2012. I set one solid goal. My goal for 2012 is to lose 100 pounds over the course of the year. Perhaps I should rephrase. My goal for 2012 is to be 100 pounds lighter by December 31st, 2012; and to achieve this change in a healthy manner.

I am not trying to lose huge amounts of weight per week, I am not weighing every day, nor am I obsessing over this goal. This time around I know it is achievable.

It would be great to have support in this journey, but with support or without it, I am making the changes to make achieving this goal a reality.

I am not seeking my family's approval of this goal. It would be great to have it, but if they resist my lifestyle changes, then that is up to them. I am continuing on. Yes resistance has already started. In the past I have allowed it to derail my goals and fallen back into old familiar "safe" routines.

Change tends to scare people. It seems to scare the people closest to you the most. I am sorry for their fear and uncertainty; but that is something they are going to have to deal with themselves. I choose to not live this fat unhealthy miserable lifestyle any longer. This is my choice. I am sorry if it scares you but I am continuing on with my quest.

I am hoping that the changes I am making in my lifestyle will encourage my family to make healthy changes as well. I am rather of worried about my husband, but he has to make his own decisions, I can not do it for him. That's been a really tough lesson for me to learn. I have always been one for trying "to fix" everything for those I care about. Taking responsibility for making everything "ok" for everyone. By the way, that does not work. Each of us is responsible for ourselves, it would be great if we could make it "ok" for others but it just does not work that way. What it does do is turn relationships into codependent enabler relationships, and frankly that is not healthy for anyone.

2011 was a year of healing, recuperation, and discovery, for me. My activity level was extremely limited after surgery in January 2011. I have not been that helpless and needy since I was a small child. The surgeon was right, it has taken the full year to recover, and heal my body.

The reduced activity level resulted in loss of muscle mass, I was amazed at how much. However, I am rebuilding in a steady, paced manner.

The major discovery was emotional, psychological, in nature. I discovered what was behind my compulsive binging behavior. As a result the compulsion to binge is gone. That is so wonderful! On the other hand, now I am experiencing on a daily basis, the emotions I was eating, so to speak. Allowing myself to actually experience these emotions has been a challenging process.

There was a phenomenal amount of anger, pain, feelings of betrayal, grief, rage, depression, and so on buried in layers of fat. I was eating my emotions, numbing myself to them. Only to have the dam burst periodically resulting in a massive flood of overwhelming emotions. It is actually quite wonderful to be out of that cycle.

All in all it is a good change. I am no longer binging, nor am I living in the past or the future. I am actually living now, in the moment. Life can be pretty wonderful lived in the moment.

The Serenity Prayer has become a Huge part of my life. It has been instrumental in helping me to get past massive panic attacks, and to accept the reality that I can not control everything. Also that I am not "responsible for" nor "required to control" everything.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It is ok to just be me. I do not have to be who anyone else expects me to be, or demands me to be... It is ok to enjoy the moment... to appreciate the moment... to just live. By the way, it's ok for you to just be you as well. :)

Living life in 2012, one moment at a time.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307-788-0202

Happily on the Body Transformation Challenge.

I have had some positive results. First off I stopped weighing every day. That was driving me a bit batty. (more than usual) Actually I stopped weighing weekly as well. I am weighing and measuring monthly. First day of the month.

I got on the scale and whipped out the tape measure this morning. On the pounds issue: I actually gained a pound. So I am at 287lbs. However; on the inches issue: I actually lost 5.5 inches overall for the month. Whoo Whoo.

The first of April I started a 30 repetition workout chart. 30 times at hip hop abs, 30 oxycise level 1, 30 walks around the loop, 30 times on the elliptical at 5km (with increasing resistance) 30 times on the red exerciser (10 minutes each with increasing resistance).

I am still working on my 30 repetition workout. I tried doing all of it each day to start with and it kicked my behind. It was too much for me along with the yard work and kennels. Here are my repetitions for April. Walk loop: 12 times, Oxycise Level 1: 1 time, Red Exerciser: 18 times, Elliptical: 12 times, Hip Hop abs: 1 time.

I am continuing with my 30 repetition workout. When I finish up with this one I will continue on to the next level. I’ve quit beating myself up for not being superwoman. I think that is a positive thing. Lol. I am not making excuses, simply doing a bit each day. Happily I can see and feel the results. On my body the most noticeable for me is in my face. It doesn’t look like a pissed off puffer fish any more. Yay! Yes there Is still too much fat in it but not bloated with my features disappearing into flesh.

I know why I gained a pound. Frankly I’m glad it was only one pound. My eating was all over the place. Some good days and some BBBBBAAAAADDDDD days. My stress levels were pretty high and I went binge nuts. Snarf Snarf Snarf. I know I did it, the ice cream is gone. Along with quite a bit of other foodstuffs. I can’t say exactly what I did because I didn’t write down what I was eating. I know I was putting away 3 to 5 thousand calories a day several times a week. Frankly I was seriously dreading stepping on the scale. I am pleased that I didn’t gain more than I did.

Now to address the binging issue. Eating like that is not about being hungry. It’s a coping method. A compulsive addictive behavior. Basically hiding from life. I am making some major positive long term changes in my life and I freaked and snarfed. Yes I said positive changes, I still freaked. Change can trigger all sorts of buried, emotional land mines. It seems like every inch or pound that comes off my body uncovers another one. Then Boom- explodes all over the place.

What to do? Deal with each issue as it comes up. Sometimes it’s going to be messy. Sometimes not. But as each issue is dealt with I am getting healthier, stronger, more balanced overall.

First I’m not beating myself up over it. It happened can’t change that. Go on from here. Change the behavior. One step one day at a time. Ok, how do I do that?

Step 1: decide to. Step 2: write down what I eat. Every bloody bite. Step 3: when looking for something to eat ask myself if I’m actually hungry. Step 4: get a drink when grazing impulse comes on-see if I’m thirsty rather than hungry. Step5: use substitutions when urge to snarf is overwhelming-sugar free gum. (yes I know that is a crutch but it’s better than stuffing a half gallon of ice cream down my throat or eating several pounds of potatoes, or whatever I can get into my mouth) Step 6: daily plan- not set in stone but timeframes of when to do what. Things to accomplish for the day. Step 7: keep working on organizing my office (life/house/so on). It’s taking a bit to dig out from under. One day/one moment at a time.

These are some of the daily/weekly things in my life:

Read 10 pages of a good book a day (current reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson )
Workout
Office organization
Write in food journal
Write in journal/blogs
Back paperwork: not total just make a difference-a bit each day
Clean house: not total just make a difference-a bit each day
Grooming: initial spring groom-dogs
Yard: garden
Kennel Care
Personal Correspondence
Business Calls
Business Correspondence (paper/email)
Edit webpages
Business Calls
Photo editing
SEO
News letters
Listen to productive CD’s mp3’s (Tracy Biller/Jim Rohn/Al Turnquist) while working out, working in kennels, housework etc.
Meetings
Husband/Family (important)
Relax (relax not collapse-write in some down time so do not collapse)

Now to slide them into time frames. Check off daily so can see progress. I am going to put this list into a table and check things off daily.

I as amazed at how much that helped with the workouts. I can actually see progress on paper.

What does this have to do with fitness? Think about it. Fitness has to do with overall health, mind/body/spirit. The total person. Dealing with stresses in a healthy manner. Accomplishing goals. Being a healthy happy person.

Take care of you!

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians