Dragging my Butt

I am seriously dragging my butt today. On a bright note the wind is not howling. Actually there are quite a few bright notes... just have to focus on them instead of grubbing about.

I was up rather late last night, didn't get into bed until after 3:00 a.m. Woke up at 6:00 a.m. and went back to sleep. Three hours is a bit short on the the sleep for me. Unfortunately I slept until 9:30, which put me behind for the day. I had a 10.30 appointment for a manicure/pedicure, my mother's day treat for me, which there was simply no way I could make. I called them and canceled; no point in rescheduling unless I know for sure I can make it into town for the appointment.

I think I will just give myself a manicure, and see if I can talk my hubs into giving my peds a warm oil massage. I have some wonderful massage oil, that I think would be a treat for my feet.

I moved a refrigerator yesterday; I thought my muscles would be sore. Tee hee, they are not. This means my body is getting stronger and stronger. This puts a serious smile on my face. A couple of years ago, even one year ago I could not have done this without seriously hurting myself.

Its amazing how well our bodies can repair themselves when given the necessary exercise and nutrition. Can't forget mindset either. Our states of mind play a major factor in how well our bodies work. Amazing pieces of equipment these bodies we have; to be sure. Remarkably durable; self maintaining for the most part. Again when given adequate nutrition and exercise.

If we treated our cars or computers the way we treat our bodies we would have neither operating for any length of time.

Something to think about...

Oh yes I nearly forgot to mention it. If you can believe that. Kind of surprises me I used to be so ... hmmmm what's the word... compulsive ... about it. I lost another pound. That makes 5 down for the month of May. 296 - 5 = 291 The my calorie counter in  My Everyday Health:  is really helping me to get a handle on my nutrition. Putting a positive constructive spin on it; rather than the self destructive compulsive binging that had been going on.

Obviously it takes more than "My Calorie Counter" to get to the issues triggering the compulsive behavior. You have to do the work; dig through the mental and emotional muck and sort it out. Feels a bit like stomping through a city sewer drain barefoot at times. (Or in reference to the area I live in: a 100,000 cattle feedlot's drain pond)  It stinks, but it's gotta be dealt with. There is no getting around it. Want to be healthy; the "crap" has to be dealt with. I'm just saying.

Life is a journey, sometimes you step in it.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

I missed my before breakfast workout, fixed my hubs something to eat when he came in from working all night; and shared a bite with him. Gotta grab those moments when you can. Anyway I am getting on my elliptical and getting my 7 kilometers of hills in for today. :)

I am Worth It!

I've been working on health issues, for some time now. I've always been a yo-yo in the weight dept. then I exploded into a jabba the hut before the remake and stayed there. I'd made some positive changes, started going down in weight, changing my body composition, working out and so on. Lost 20 some pounds.
Then I totally lost it... total overload and I triggered into compulsive eating. Blew up again... gained back what I had lost... this last time it was a 17 pound gain and an 11 inch gain...ugh.

Making changes in my life, working on the total person. I am Not eating compulsively/bingeing now. May 1st I weighed 296 lbs. Today I am at 292. No I am not starving myself. I am working out on my elliptical daily. I am at 7 kilometers on hills. I stay at the same distance for 7 workouts... then add a kilometer.

I am using the food and fitness Journal at My Everyday Health to track calories. Found that yesterday. I was amazed at how many calories my breakfast actually had in it.

I want a toned athletic form. My goal weight is 145 lbs. I want to walk a marathon later this year. Not run it... I want to be able to walk it. I turned 50 in Feb. I do not want to be carrying around the weight of 2 people by the time I turn 51.

Fat has been a hiding place for me. An emotional insulator so to speak. I would lose weight... then trigger. It's like there are land mines hidden in the fat. As I lose the fat they become exposed and explode.... and set off an eating binge. Leading to a borderline catatonic state.

So... I'm doing the work. bit by bit digging through the mental, emotional, whatever, crap... or issues... triggers... whatever you want to call it. Taking my life back from the psychological debris of yester years.

This behavior started a long time ago. I managed a moderate weight until my late 20's then I started gaining more. Even at a moderate weight, in high school and college I saw myself as fat and ugly. Not worth it.

I remember as a child, being yelled at and then going to find something to eat... being whipped then burying my self in food. What was right one day was wrong the next, and vise versa; I never knew what would set them off. The verbal abuse left deeper scars, and longer lasting side effects than the whipping did.

I remember coming home from middle school, or junior high, as they called it back in the day. Standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open and shoving food in my mouth until I couldn’t eat any more…. And didn’t feel any more.

Then I would chop wood for hours, run, walk, ride my horse... this pattern continued ... eat till you were ill and or numb... then extreme activity.
Things came to a head within myself, when my weight went over 300 lbs. I hit a major psychological crisis point. The lowest of the low. I refuse to live like this any more.

I am worth it. I can do the work; I am doing the work, because I am worth it.
I am getting healthy... Mind.. Body and Spirit...

Life is a Journey, sometimes the trail is twisty.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

Happily on the Body Transformation Challenge.

I have had some positive results. First off I stopped weighing every day. That was driving me a bit batty. (more than usual) Actually I stopped weighing weekly as well. I am weighing and measuring monthly. First day of the month.

I got on the scale and whipped out the tape measure this morning. On the pounds issue: I actually gained a pound. So I am at 287lbs. However; on the inches issue: I actually lost 5.5 inches overall for the month. Whoo Whoo.

The first of April I started a 30 repetition workout chart. 30 times at hip hop abs, 30 oxycise level 1, 30 walks around the loop, 30 times on the elliptical at 5km (with increasing resistance) 30 times on the red exerciser (10 minutes each with increasing resistance).

I am still working on my 30 repetition workout. I tried doing all of it each day to start with and it kicked my behind. It was too much for me along with the yard work and kennels. Here are my repetitions for April. Walk loop: 12 times, Oxycise Level 1: 1 time, Red Exerciser: 18 times, Elliptical: 12 times, Hip Hop abs: 1 time.

I am continuing with my 30 repetition workout. When I finish up with this one I will continue on to the next level. I’ve quit beating myself up for not being superwoman. I think that is a positive thing. Lol. I am not making excuses, simply doing a bit each day. Happily I can see and feel the results. On my body the most noticeable for me is in my face. It doesn’t look like a pissed off puffer fish any more. Yay! Yes there Is still too much fat in it but not bloated with my features disappearing into flesh.

I know why I gained a pound. Frankly I’m glad it was only one pound. My eating was all over the place. Some good days and some BBBBBAAAAADDDDD days. My stress levels were pretty high and I went binge nuts. Snarf Snarf Snarf. I know I did it, the ice cream is gone. Along with quite a bit of other foodstuffs. I can’t say exactly what I did because I didn’t write down what I was eating. I know I was putting away 3 to 5 thousand calories a day several times a week. Frankly I was seriously dreading stepping on the scale. I am pleased that I didn’t gain more than I did.

Now to address the binging issue. Eating like that is not about being hungry. It’s a coping method. A compulsive addictive behavior. Basically hiding from life. I am making some major positive long term changes in my life and I freaked and snarfed. Yes I said positive changes, I still freaked. Change can trigger all sorts of buried, emotional land mines. It seems like every inch or pound that comes off my body uncovers another one. Then Boom- explodes all over the place.

What to do? Deal with each issue as it comes up. Sometimes it’s going to be messy. Sometimes not. But as each issue is dealt with I am getting healthier, stronger, more balanced overall.

First I’m not beating myself up over it. It happened can’t change that. Go on from here. Change the behavior. One step one day at a time. Ok, how do I do that?

Step 1: decide to. Step 2: write down what I eat. Every bloody bite. Step 3: when looking for something to eat ask myself if I’m actually hungry. Step 4: get a drink when grazing impulse comes on-see if I’m thirsty rather than hungry. Step5: use substitutions when urge to snarf is overwhelming-sugar free gum. (yes I know that is a crutch but it’s better than stuffing a half gallon of ice cream down my throat or eating several pounds of potatoes, or whatever I can get into my mouth) Step 6: daily plan- not set in stone but timeframes of when to do what. Things to accomplish for the day. Step 7: keep working on organizing my office (life/house/so on). It’s taking a bit to dig out from under. One day/one moment at a time.

These are some of the daily/weekly things in my life:

Read 10 pages of a good book a day (current reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson )
Workout
Office organization
Write in food journal
Write in journal/blogs
Back paperwork: not total just make a difference-a bit each day
Clean house: not total just make a difference-a bit each day
Grooming: initial spring groom-dogs
Yard: garden
Kennel Care
Personal Correspondence
Business Calls
Business Correspondence (paper/email)
Edit webpages
Business Calls
Photo editing
SEO
News letters
Listen to productive CD’s mp3’s (Tracy Biller/Jim Rohn/Al Turnquist) while working out, working in kennels, housework etc.
Meetings
Husband/Family (important)
Relax (relax not collapse-write in some down time so do not collapse)

Now to slide them into time frames. Check off daily so can see progress. I am going to put this list into a table and check things off daily.

I as amazed at how much that helped with the workouts. I can actually see progress on paper.

What does this have to do with fitness? Think about it. Fitness has to do with overall health, mind/body/spirit. The total person. Dealing with stresses in a healthy manner. Accomplishing goals. Being a healthy happy person.

Take care of you!

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians

Sunburned Nose and Toasted Toes

It's been 100 or above for weeks. Truthfully I feel cooked. Well done... ugh... on an up note I got on the scale this morning. Didn't want to. My husband talked me into it, I was feeling like jabba the hutt before the remake... on one of his bloated days. Then what do my surprised eyes see. I lost 3 pounds. YAY! So my workout plan is working. My workout plan at this point is ... WORK... pull the water hose, clean the kennel, groom the dog. Drink fluids like they are going out of style... only a slight exaggeration. I'm drinking quite a bit because it's hot, I'm working and I'm sweating like a horse on a cattle drive. geez...

I want to do oxycise in the evenings. Before I can do that I need to clear space on my office floor. I have tubs of work stacked in there.... as I get the work done I'll have more room, and I sent for a belly dancing dvd.

I've always wanted to learn how to belly dance. and dancing off some fat appeals to me. should be fun. As far as lifting weights. for now that consists of dragging the water hose (150 ft full of water) dragging/lifting stock panels (heavy welded wire 52 inches high, 16 ft long) loading cement pieces and cement blocks on my pick up truck, unloading them here, stacking the blocks, and working the pieces into walkways. unloading wooden pallets off my pickup truck and trailer. dragging my feed cart with 50 to 100 lbs of feed on it.

Repetive motion from dog grooming, raking kennels, mucking out the whelping house, etc. Once I get some projects well underway to completed, and we get more into winter I want to get back on the bow-flex. I like the way lifting weights makes my body feel. I want to go after my heavy bag a bit too. That is so nice if I've had a frustrating day. He he... I can just beat the snot out of it and not be concerned about hurting someone or lawsuits...lol...

I'm not getting much distance work in at all. Just walking up the hill and back around the kennels. I'm going to have to set aside a bit of time specifically for distance. Take one of the mastiffs with me and work them a bit while I'm at it. If I start dragging my legs then they can pull me home. plus it will give me some upper body work handling their leads. It will have to be early in the morning though. the heat is to much otherwise.

Today's Workout: drag water hose. groom dogtake photographs. I know that sounds strange. but dragging the hose is walking and resistance work. Grooming is repetive upperbody and arm workout. taking photos involves knee bends, and walking, as well as holding position in a partially bent knee position.

Ok my goal is to get fit. Healthy... be able to enjoy life in this body. Since it's the only body I have this go around. I'd like to be able to enjoy it. Frankly dragging around an extra 100 plus pounds does not give me much enjoyment.

How did I get to 100 plus pounds overfat.

In a nut shell. I saw myself as obese when I wasn't. I ate compulsively until I was. Got sick, west nile crud, had major surgery necessary but completely trashed my abs. Messy hysterectomy, lots of toxins drained into my body. Recovery has taken a couple of years. But I am recovering, and getting into condition one day one step at a time.

I see myself as I am now. I have no desire to be a bobble head doll (so skinny that I look like a bobble head). Compulsive eating is behind me. Happily no longer an issue. Yes I know sounds flip, it's not, took a good bit of work to accomplish that little feat. Now I journal instead of eating myself to death.

Happily I eat to live...rather than live to eat.

I want to be able to walk a marathon. I've picked out one the end of May 2008. I don't care where I finish in the race as long as it's not dead last. So I picked one that has an ultramarathon along with it.

Hopefully I should be able to finish before the last ultramarathoner gets in.

It would be great to have someone to train with. If not locally... then over the internet.

Completing a marathon is not a new goal. It's been on my life list for a long time. It's not about winning a race. It's about getting healthy, and actually being able to enjoy walking.

A walk around a fair, going shopping, having a spring in my step ...rather than every step being an effort filled with pain and frustration.

How am I doing? I'm overwhelmed but making it anyway. One day at a time...

Life is a journey... one step at a time... Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs

http://www.robbinsrun.com/