Week 5: Feeling Good!

Week 5: today was supposed to be my weigh in day. Well I chose to not weigh in today. Today is my birthday and messing with that scale tends to do a head job on me. Yes I know I still have some issues to deal with.

I do know I am losing fat though. How do I know this. Because I'm smaller. Yep smaller. Yee Haw! Kicking my heals together in celebration. No I did not whip out the tape measure. What I did was get ready to go out to do ranch rounds. I had one sweat shirt on already and grabbed my work hoodie and pulled it on. It fit comfortably over the other sweatshirt! Yeah baby. That work hoodie was tight to start with just over a sleeveless tee shirt. Then I was able to wear it over a light turtleneck. Today I wore it over the sleeveless tee shirt and another sweatshirt!

I noticed that my insulated coveralls were fitting looser as well. The other day I stepped into them, I wear my work hoodie under them and a pair of compression pants. It had been difficult to zip them up. Not this time, I whipped that zipper up. I noticed when I was out working I was pulling them up as well. I've put heavy duty elastic in the waist of these coveralls to hold them in place and I had made them too tight around the waist. Not any more. Yay!

I'll weigh in again. Just not today. I am happy with the size loss though. Today is a good day. I was able to walk up the hill outside easily, I walked for a bit over an hour. It's wonderful to actually feel good.

Oh yeah, I had Shakeology for breakfast this morning. I've noticed that I feel better when I do.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

Family Reactions to Behavior Changes... weight loss, working, out etc

August first 2011, I made a decision. I made no grand announcements, set off no fireworks, made no grand production. But, I must have done something differently because the reactions have already began. Actually they started yesterday.

What I did do was make my mind up that I was done letting other people's reactions, and or drama cause me to sabotage my efforts to improve my health. Perhaps my attitude shifted a bit. Well yes it shifted quite a bit... I hit the "I'm so done with this nonsense level" on my tolerance meter.

I made up my mind that with or without my husband's support I was taking this fat off my body and getting into shape. I started logging everything that goes into my mouth, logging exercise... oh yes and working out. I started refusing extra food.

Wow did that trigger a reaction. The food pushing has begun. In full force I might add. He says he loves me more and more each day. We've been together since October 1990, married October 1991. It's great that he says he loves me, and I am sure he does. But for some reason he seems terrified of me losing weight or changing behaviors.

In the past when he has started these behaviors, I would get upset, binge, and give up after having spent days in a miserable swirl of depression while he was out on the railroad.

Within the last 8 months or so I discovered my binge trigger. Totally ingrained behavior from early childhood. I had no idea what was triggering my self destructive behavior, and I've been working on said issues for quite some time. This one was buried very very deep.

My husbands reactions to my efforts have encompassed saying he was supportive, to fussing about my food choices, complaining about foods he normally likes, waiting until he knows I've given up on him getting up to join me for breakfast and gone ahead and eaten... then whining for me to fix him breakfast and eat with him. To neglecting his blood sugar to a near crash on the low side to, abusing his body with too many carbs on the high side. To insisting that I eat more than I want, to sulking and being petty, to deliberately starting an argument over some totally unrelated illogical matter.

I actually do love this guy, and most of the time I actually like him. Although I will say I am none to fond of his behavior of late. I'm not sure how to explain it. I am just done. I am done letting other folks insecurities and crap behaviors rule my life. I am done being manipulated into behaviors that I know are detrimental to my self. If that's selfish, then so be it. I've allowed these manipulations for a long, long, time so I suppose it will take a bit of time for it to sink in that they are no longer going to work. Truth be told I'm not sure I have the patience to wait out his fear of change.

I am not going to back off on my quest to be a healthy balanced individual. This fat needs to come off my body it is killing me.

I hope he can adjust and come along with me on this journey. If he doesn't start taking better care of his own body he will not be around long either. I refuse to be left here unable to function... I suppose that is a big part of my determination. That and I do not want to live the rest of my life in this miserable fat suit!

Other than venting, what is the purpose of this post? It's a heads up to folks making adjustments in their lives. The people around you may react in rather un-supportive ways even though they say they support your efforts...

Yes it's wonderful you are losing weight... have another piece of pie...

Life is a journey, sometimes those you are with are moving in another direction...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

Goodby May, Hello June... Arrragh I stalled!

WoW, May is dead and gone.  So are my goals for that month. For some reason I seemed to get stuck in place.  Jet ski without it's rider circling around the same patch of water until it's fuel ran out.

That was me this past month. I started out great guns, rock n roll... then phttttt...  Circling for days, then completely ran out of fuel. So what happened?!  Feel like I'm digging around in the decomposing carcass of last month.  What happened, and what can I do to change the outcome for this month?

I lost focus, lost control of my time, and frankly hid in farmville. I allowed the changes in living arrangements to overwhelm me.  It's been a challenging adjustment having David at home all the time.

Even more so trying to regulate his blood sugar. When it get's high it triggers outbursts of uncontrollable rages. I had to decide this month whether I was going to stay here and subject myself to his rages or walk away.  His rage triggered a panic attack, and depression in me.  When his sugar is not spinning out of control he is a good guy. But when he has a piss fit and does not regulate his sugar he is a monster to be around.

It took me most of the month to decide what to do. Tough decision, we have been together since 1990. There have been fits of rage throughout the time we have been together; however the were more positive times than awful.  But then he was gone 3/4 of the time working on the train. So who actually knows how much of the time he spent spinning out of control.  I only know what he was like around me. He seems to lose all cognizant function when he is caught up on the rages.

The challenge is to sort out how much of it is temper tantrum, and how much of it is directly related to blood sugar that is too high.  His behavior has been reminiscent of my Uncle Gene's behavior.  Never knew which person you were going to be with and he could switch without a second's notice.  When he was nice he was wonderful, when he was raging it was like Freddie Kruger on acid. Made life around him like walking through a live mine field. Never knew when you would step on a mine.  I wonder now if he had blood sugar problems as well, because he acted as if he didn't remember his "episodes".  David is the same way.  I thought he was just trying to not take responsibility for his crap actions to start with; but I have come to the conclusion he has no clear memory of his actions when he is in rage.

Dealing with my Uncle growing up nearly pushed me over the edge into a complete psychotic break.  It took me years of work to stabilize; and it's a tenuous stability at that. (anyone that has been through that kind of on going abuse can tell you that)  David's episodes triggered some pretty destabilizing reactions within myself this past month.

I made the decision to work with him a bit longer and try to help him stabilize his blood sugar.  He is going to have to take responsibility for himself at some point... time will tell what happens.

I acted out and ate too much food, and crawled into my shell and hid.  For some reason it seems like the fatter I get the safer I feel.  Looks like I've been hiding in a fat suit.

So; what am I going to do to change my situation.

1. I am researching diabetes, looking into healthful alternatives. Reading, researching.

2. Made a weight loss goal for myself. I would love to lose 20 lbs of fat this month. That works out to an average deficit of 2,334 calories per day. I am not going to starve myself, I am going to keep track, eat healthful, and increase physical activity.

3. How am I going to accomplish the calorie deficit: gardening, hip hop abs, oxycise, turbo jam, house cleaning, walking, incline trainer.

4. Structuring my time. Not set in stone but a daily plan; with my to do list.

5. Accept the fact that there are some things I can not change. Realize that I am not responsible for the things I can not change.  I am however, responsible for those things I can change.

Yes the Serenity Prayer is a Litany in my life.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

So be it!

Life is a journey... new discoveries around each twist in the path...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

Weight Loss Sabotage - Prevention.com

Here is the question of the day.  Have any of us not run into this in some form.  Deliberate or not... hmmmmm...

Weight Loss Sabotage

Dieting with the Enemy

Are friends and family making you fat?

By Colleen Pierre, RD , Colleen Pierre, RD, is an associate profesor of aging, nutrition, and fitness at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore and coauthor of Jerry Baker's Giant Book of Kitchen Counter Cures (Baker Books 2001)

Want to really bring out the worst in people? Try weight loss. Ten pounds or a ton, you'll be showered with so much fattening food--sabotage by people who claim to love you--that it will send the price of sugar cane and lard futures through the roof.
Why is that?
I've seen it happen so many times to my weight loss patients that when they come in and confess they fell off the wagon, I'm ready with my ritual response: "Who did this to you?"

They're always shocked to think that someone else may have had a hand in their weight loss failure. Then it dawns on them: Oh yeah, the chocolate cake care package Mom just sent, the surprise candy from the usually unthoughtful husband, the coworker who left the gift-wrapped Oreos on your desk. "Why is that?" they always ask. Dietsaboteurs," I explain. "They're everywhere." In fact, in one survey, 24,000 overweight women reported that weight loss created problems in their relationships that regaining the weight would have resolved.

Friend or Foe?
The problem usually starts because you're in change mode (and darned happy to be there), but your friends and family aren't.


"Rarely would a real friend malevolently undermine your diet," says nutrition professor Audrey Cross, PhD, of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. "They just do unconscious things to keep the relationship the way it was." And there are lots of reasons why.


They feel guilty. Your success pricks their conscience, since they may think they should be pursuing weight loss too. But for many, teasing you back to normal with "you're doing so well; a little won't hurt" sabotage is often easier. And if it starts an eating frenzy that ends in weight gain, sadly, that's secretly okay with friends like these. You've proven once again that weight loss is impossible; now they can relax and not try.

They don't understand. Other folks (often spouses!) who've never had a weight problem can't understand why you don't go back to eating normally now that you've lost that weight. And besides, they've suffered enough with all the changes around the house, and they want this to be over.


They miss the old you. Or more specifically, the food experiences you once shared. Food is often how we express love. Baking cookies for your kids (and of course eating some together). Or going to happy hour with coworkers. When my client Stephanie began progressing, her husband started showing up Friday nights with a big chocolate bar, something they used to enjoy together.


How do you politely say "back off" to those you love?

Make Friends with the Enemy
Researchers have figured out three classic actions likely to pave the way to long-term weight loss success and fend off sabotage, whether deliberate or subconscious, says Jessica Kasinoff, coordinator at the Duke Diet & Fitness Center in Durham, NC.


Start with exercise. It builds muscle, burns calories, reduces stress, and, best of all, creates the positive mood that makes you strong enough to avoid saboteurs.


Monitor your exercise and food. Plan your workouts and meals, and write down every bite. This will keep you honest, and it may also help you recognize the people and events that do you in. Then you can develop strategies to deal with them.


Create a supportive environment. "It's important to ask for help," says Carlo DiClemente, PhD, coauthor of Changing for Good, whose strategies for curing drug and alcohol addicts are now being used to help people change the way they eat.
Asking is tricky because we really don't know how to do it. We tend to believe that if people loved us, they'd know what to do. Not true! My client Sharon likes it if her husband takes her plate away from her when he thinks she's had enough. Natalie, on the other hand, would secretly eat twice as much if her husband did that.


The staff at the Duke Center finds this so critical that they have created a "Dear Supporter" letter that goes home with dieters after their 3-week stay. You could write such a letter yourself if you have trouble voicing your needs directly.

 
Whether you write it or say it, be specific about your weight loss needs. Even those closest to you can't read your mind. For instance, if being constantly asked how much you've lost will drive you to cheat, let people know. For others, constant checking in may help keep them on track. If you need support when the late-night munchies hit, ask your friend if it's okay to call.

With Friends Like These ...
There are some downright vicious diet saboteurs who work to undermine you. They may pressure you to eat the way they do in order to remain part of a group, not-so-subtly implying that you're no friend if you don't. Dr. DiClemente suggests saying clearly out loud, "This is not helpful to me." They can't deny they've heard you, and you have a chance to recommit to your plan of action. You may have to avoid them for a while or find less toxic friends. If all else fails, "call a sponsor," he says, lapsing into the classic Alcoholics Anonymous strategy. Join a group such as Weight Watchers for support, or call someone you know who will talk you through it.


If you've been direct in asking your spouse for help but don't get it, you may need to seek couples' or family counseling. Poor response often suggests something else is going on.


Most family and friends will be glad to help if you nudge them in the right direction.



Last Updated: 10/04/2004 Copyright (c) Rodale, Inc. 2003
Weight Loss Sabotage - Prevention.com

Article has some valid points... hope it was useful to you.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch