Family Reactions to Behavior Changes... weight loss, working, out etc

August first 2011, I made a decision. I made no grand announcements, set off no fireworks, made no grand production. But, I must have done something differently because the reactions have already began. Actually they started yesterday.

What I did do was make my mind up that I was done letting other people's reactions, and or drama cause me to sabotage my efforts to improve my health. Perhaps my attitude shifted a bit. Well yes it shifted quite a bit... I hit the "I'm so done with this nonsense level" on my tolerance meter.

I made up my mind that with or without my husband's support I was taking this fat off my body and getting into shape. I started logging everything that goes into my mouth, logging exercise... oh yes and working out. I started refusing extra food.

Wow did that trigger a reaction. The food pushing has begun. In full force I might add. He says he loves me more and more each day. We've been together since October 1990, married October 1991. It's great that he says he loves me, and I am sure he does. But for some reason he seems terrified of me losing weight or changing behaviors.

In the past when he has started these behaviors, I would get upset, binge, and give up after having spent days in a miserable swirl of depression while he was out on the railroad.

Within the last 8 months or so I discovered my binge trigger. Totally ingrained behavior from early childhood. I had no idea what was triggering my self destructive behavior, and I've been working on said issues for quite some time. This one was buried very very deep.

My husbands reactions to my efforts have encompassed saying he was supportive, to fussing about my food choices, complaining about foods he normally likes, waiting until he knows I've given up on him getting up to join me for breakfast and gone ahead and eaten... then whining for me to fix him breakfast and eat with him. To neglecting his blood sugar to a near crash on the low side to, abusing his body with too many carbs on the high side. To insisting that I eat more than I want, to sulking and being petty, to deliberately starting an argument over some totally unrelated illogical matter.

I actually do love this guy, and most of the time I actually like him. Although I will say I am none to fond of his behavior of late. I'm not sure how to explain it. I am just done. I am done letting other folks insecurities and crap behaviors rule my life. I am done being manipulated into behaviors that I know are detrimental to my self. If that's selfish, then so be it. I've allowed these manipulations for a long, long, time so I suppose it will take a bit of time for it to sink in that they are no longer going to work. Truth be told I'm not sure I have the patience to wait out his fear of change.

I am not going to back off on my quest to be a healthy balanced individual. This fat needs to come off my body it is killing me.

I hope he can adjust and come along with me on this journey. If he doesn't start taking better care of his own body he will not be around long either. I refuse to be left here unable to function... I suppose that is a big part of my determination. That and I do not want to live the rest of my life in this miserable fat suit!

Other than venting, what is the purpose of this post? It's a heads up to folks making adjustments in their lives. The people around you may react in rather un-supportive ways even though they say they support your efforts...

Yes it's wonderful you are losing weight... have another piece of pie...

Life is a journey, sometimes those you are with are moving in another direction...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202