Weight Loss Sabotage
Dieting with the Enemy
Are friends and family making you fat?
By Colleen Pierre, RD , Colleen Pierre, RD, is an associate profesor of aging, nutrition, and fitness at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore and coauthor of Jerry Baker's Giant Book of Kitchen Counter Cures (Baker Books 2001)
Why is that?
I've seen it happen so many times to my weight loss patients that when they come in and confess they fell off the wagon, I'm ready with my ritual response: "Who did this to you?"
They're always shocked to think that someone else may have had a hand in their weight loss failure. Then it dawns on them: Oh yeah, the chocolate cake care package Mom just sent, the surprise candy from the usually unthoughtful husband, the coworker who left the gift-wrapped Oreos on your desk. "Why is that?" they always ask. Dietsaboteurs," I explain. "They're everywhere." In fact, in one survey, 24,000 overweight women reported that weight loss created problems in their relationships that regaining the weight would have resolved.
Friend or Foe?
The problem usually starts because you're in change mode (and darned happy to be there), but your friends and family aren't.
"Rarely would a real friend malevolently undermine your diet," says nutrition professor Audrey Cross, PhD, of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. "They just do unconscious things to keep the relationship the way it was." And there are lots of reasons why.
They feel guilty. Your success pricks their conscience, since they may think they should be pursuing weight loss too. But for many, teasing you back to normal with "you're doing so well; a little won't hurt" sabotage is often easier. And if it starts an eating frenzy that ends in weight gain, sadly, that's secretly okay with friends like these. You've proven once again that weight loss is impossible; now they can relax and not try.
They don't understand. Other folks (often spouses!) who've never had a weight problem can't understand why you don't go back to eating normally now that you've lost that weight. And besides, they've suffered enough with all the changes around the house, and they want this to be over.
They miss the old you. Or more specifically, the food experiences you once shared. Food is often how we express love. Baking cookies for your kids (and of course eating some together). Or going to happy hour with coworkers. When my client Stephanie began progressing, her husband started showing up Friday nights with a big chocolate bar, something they used to enjoy together.
How do you politely say "back off" to those you love?
Make Friends with the Enemy
Researchers have figured out three classic actions likely to pave the way to long-term weight loss success and fend off sabotage, whether deliberate or subconscious, says Jessica Kasinoff, coordinator at the Duke Diet & Fitness Center in Durham, NC.
Start with exercise. It builds muscle, burns calories, reduces stress, and, best of all, creates the positive mood that makes you strong enough to avoid saboteurs.
Monitor your exercise and food. Plan your workouts and meals, and write down every bite. This will keep you honest, and it may also help you recognize the people and events that do you in. Then you can develop strategies to deal with them.
Create a supportive environment. "It's important to ask for help," says Carlo DiClemente, PhD, coauthor of Changing for Good, whose strategies for curing drug and alcohol addicts are now being used to help people change the way they eat.
Asking is tricky because we really don't know how to do it. We tend to believe that if people loved us, they'd know what to do. Not true! My client Sharon likes it if her husband takes her plate away from her when he thinks she's had enough. Natalie, on the other hand, would secretly eat twice as much if her husband did that.
The staff at the Duke Center finds this so critical that they have created a "Dear Supporter" letter that goes home with dieters after their 3-week stay. You could write such a letter yourself if you have trouble voicing your needs directly.
Whether you write it or say it, be specific about your weight loss needs. Even those closest to you can't read your mind. For instance, if being constantly asked how much you've lost will drive you to cheat, let people know. For others, constant checking in may help keep them on track. If you need support when the late-night munchies hit, ask your friend if it's okay to call.
With Friends Like These ...
There are some downright vicious diet saboteurs who work to undermine you. They may pressure you to eat the way they do in order to remain part of a group, not-so-subtly implying that you're no friend if you don't. Dr. DiClemente suggests saying clearly out loud, "This is not helpful to me." They can't deny they've heard you, and you have a chance to recommit to your plan of action. You may have to avoid them for a while or find less toxic friends. If all else fails, "call a sponsor," he says, lapsing into the classic Alcoholics Anonymous strategy. Join a group such as Weight Watchers for support, or call someone you know who will talk you through it.
If you've been direct in asking your spouse for help but don't get it, you may need to seek couples' or family counseling. Poor response often suggests something else is going on.
Most family and friends will be glad to help if you nudge them in the right direction.
Last Updated: 10/04/2004 Copyright (c) Rodale, Inc. 2003
Weight Loss Sabotage - Prevention.com
Article has some valid points... hope it was useful to you.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment