Saturday, September 01, 2012

Two Pound Net Weight Loss: August 2012

With the losses and the bounces in weight... I came out with a 2 pound net loss for August 2012. This makes 4 months of consecutive weight loss.

In the past I would rapidly lose 10 or 20 lbs... then regain 30 or even 40.

This time I am gradually taking excess fat off my body. I did think I would be dropping weight faster than this... but then I have not been doing any intense cardio either. J

ust walking, working, and riding the stationary bike.

I need to add in some Hip Hop Abs and/or Turbo Jam... keeping it low impact is a must... and I can adjust both of those to low impact... well keeping it low impact is a must if I intend to continue being able to walk... so yes I would say it is a must.

Even the tread mill is questionable with my right knee. I took the speed up too high and the knee went. So I'll just keep it slower and gradually rebuild the muscles around the knee. Twisting steps are a problem as well. Tends to pull the knees out of alignment... If I'm careful I think I can do the Hip Hop Abs... I am sure Turbo jam would work for me. I will stick with the lightest level and pace myself.

Seriously do not need to re-injurer myself.

Well here is cheers to 2 pounds net loss... I would have rather it have been 20... but hey I'll take the 2 pounds... yeah!
 Life is a journey... one breath... one step... one day at a time...
Mary E. Robbins

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Yeah! 295.8 lbs

I have a new lowest weight… na na boo boo… na na boo boo… yay! I am sore, snotty, and congested this morning… but I have a new lowest weight. Finally under 296….. FINALLY…. My new lowest weight is 295.8 lbs.

After my last lowest weight of 296.8 lbs I bounced. Back up to 300 then down… to 296.8 then bounce again… and work it back down… I seemed to have had some kind of weird attachment to 300 lbs. I would get a little bit away from it and go scuttling back to hide in it’s round numbers…

I’ve taken another step away from 300 lbs and am still going. I will say this my stomach turned after I saw what was on the scale. How’s that for weirdness.

313.8 – 295.8 = 18 pounds lost. The last time I measured I’d lost 15 inches, pretty excited about that. I don’t know how many more inches I’ve lost at this point. I know I’ve lost some because my clothes feel different.

168.8 – 18 = 150.8 lbs to go to goal weight. Next goal: get under 295 lbs.
Life is a journey, one day one step at a time.
Mary E. Robbins

Sunday, June 24, 2012

The basic mechanics of my weight and inch loss.

Some of you have been asking what I have been doing to lose weight and inches… so here goes.

The basic mechanics of my weight and inch loss.

The basic mechanics of my losing fat is reducing calories and increasing activity.

I have found that making drastic changes does not work for me. I have found that making gradual incremental changes over time does work for me.

I have been keeping a food journal on I know there are a variety of food journals out there but this is the one I chose and it is working for me.

One of the things I like about it is I can enter my weight, gender, age, and activity level and it gives me the approximate amount of calories I need to lose a pound a week. It also has an activity log that I can use to calculate how many calories I have burned with various activities. This is also based on age, gender, and weight.

I have found this to be very helpful to me. In developing a better understanding of how many calories my body actually needs. It is also helping me to gradually reduce my caloric intake without that feeling of deprivation a major change creates.

This has been great for our grocery bill as well since our food intake has reduced. My husband’s not as much as mine but his has reduced as well.

Each time I drop in weight I enter that weight and reduce my caloric intake goal accordingly. On days that I bounce I do not enter those weight increases. I keep caloric consumption at the lower level.

I started out doing net calories trying to keep the net under my caloric goal. I did not like the results I was getting with that. So I changed my tack and aimed to keep my overall caloric consumption under my daily goal. That way my activity is a bonus caloric burn.

As far as activity goes. I’ve always been one to overdo, get injured and/or frustrated and quit. Then restart and do it again. This time I’ve had some extremely sore days, usually from overdoing or trying to get some physical work done.

My base goal for activity is a minimum of 30 minutes a day; or the equivalent thereof. This gives me the guilt free/failure free option of taking a day of rest if/when my body needs it. Say I’ve raked the yards for 2 hours and am exhausted the next day. I can take that day off and still have my 30 minutes a day covered. Btw, when I say raking the yard I mean actively raking the yard, not leaning on the fence gabbing for 2 hours.

Obviously more activity results in a stronger healthier body. Just sayin.

I weigh every morning. I started this because I wanted to see what was happening with my body’s weight from day to day. Frankly the first 2 to 3 weeks of it nearly drove me bats. I am glad I did it though. Because of this I see my body’s pattern for fat loss, muscle gain, as well as fluid retention. Between the daily weights and the food and activity journal, I have gained a better understanding of what is actually going on when my weight bounces 4 to 5 pounds in a day.

No I don’t like seeing that, duh. Of course I don’t like seeing that, but when I’ve kept track of caloric intake I know it’s not from fat gain.

Frankly I was amazed at the difference drinking diet coke made. Forget that stuff. Each 20 ounce bottle equals approximately a 2 lb gain in water retention for me. As well as feeling like a puff ball. I really do not like that puffy bloated feeling; especially when my face and hands are swelled up. Major ick! I am feeling better overall since I decided I did not want to drink any more coke, and/or other diet pop. I rarely drink regular soda either. Once in a while I’ll have a rootbeer float but for the most part it just is not worth how it makes my body feel.

Instead of “I can’t have it” my attitude has changed to “I do not want it”.

As for how I am eating. I am trying to eat in a healthy manner. Eating mostly “real” foods. I eat from 3 to 6 times a day, depending on the day.

If it’s a real early morning I have an early morning snack. I like beachbody’s Shakeology shake for that. Or sometimes their vanilla meal replacement shake with instant coffee and ice blended. I have a hand held blender and blend them with crushed ice. I have tried a lot of different shakes over the years and I like beachbody’s.

I like the way I feel after drinking it. That stuff is stuffed full of nutrients and my body thanks me for it every time I have one. I just feel better. No I don’t have it every day. On the days that I don’t drink Shakeology I usually take P90x vitamin/mineral packets.

Breakfast (when my husband is up) is usually 2 basted eggs, fruit, fresh homefries sautéed in olive oil, fresh coffee, and another protein.

Then around 10…. Morning snack: usually fruit and an ounce of cheese

Lunch: protein, veggies, and complex carbs

Mid afternoon snack: 3:00 and my body is hungry… especially if I’ve been outside working or working out. Usually fruit and yogurt…. The type of yogurt varies.

Dinner: veggies (either cooked or salad), protein, sometimes complex carbs, dessert (usually ½ cup of ice cream)

Late snack: typical would be 8 ounces of milk, 1 tbs of natural peanut butter, & 4 whole wheat saltine crackers. Although sometimes it’s coffee/cream (in moderation-20 calories worth) and a mini reeses peanut butter cup.

I try to have a salad or sliced raw veggies at least once a day. Dressing is usually blue cheese, or an Italian made with apple cider vinegar and olive oil…. Most salad dressings have been eliminated from our groceries, if they have msg they are not purchased.

Yes I measure and or weigh my food. Guessing is not going to do it… especially when you are first starting out. Most meats are cooked on a foreman grill, or up on a rack. I am very picky about what oil I use. Extra virgin olive oil is my oil of choice.

I rarely drink fruit juices. I have found most of them are laced with sugar and/or corn syrup. Doesn’t make much sense to me to drink juices that are messed with when I can eat raw fruit instead. Sometimes I use frozen fruit to top greek yogurt.

Yes I am a coffee drinker. I also love teas. No I do not sweeten my tea.

I eat approximately a teaspoon of local raw honey every morning. Well most mornings anyway. By doing this I have been able to quit taking advair and singular and rarely take over the counter allergy meds any more. YaY!

Oh yeah… and drink water.

I cut back on the salt I add to my cooking. I tend to cook with cayenne, minced garlic, black pepper, minced onion, and various other spices and herbs.

I do keep garlic salt on the table so if we want we can add salt. I noticed my husband was salting without tasting, so I figured what’s the point of salting while cooking. I also noticed that most prepped foods… like canned soups, smoked meats, canned veggies, sauces, etc. All seem to have an overabundance of salt in them. I try to use them sparingly, and this is another reason I have changed my cooking style to more herbs and less salt when I am prepping whole foods.

We have greatly reduced, to the point of nearly eliminating any foods with msg as well. Tends to make finding a decent brat rather challenging.

Nearly all breads, pastas, etc are whole grain.

Btw, if I eat ice cream, it’s real ice cream not some nasty chemical concoction. I just have ½ cup rather than a gallon. Lol…

This is the basic mechanics of what I am doing. I am not dieting, I am changing my lifestyle … from the inside out.

The change that has been the most effective, not really the right word. Hmmmm… The change that has made this process a lifestyle shift rather than just another stinking diet is a change in perspective. A change in attitude.

Your life, your responsibility…. Your choice, your freedom.

The attitudes you keep and the words you speak define your life.

Life is a journey, may you appreciate the beauty of each moment...
Mary E. Robbins
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Saturday, June 23, 2012

My body weight is UNDER 300 LBS!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!

My body weight is UNDER 300 LBS!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!

As an added bonus I have lost just over 5% of my total body weight. 313.8 – (313.8x5%) = 298.11 lbs

313.8 – 298.6 = 15.2 lbs no longer being carried around… YaY!

I remember the last time I weighed this much. My weight was climbing uncontrollably at the time. I was angry, sad, suicidal and so very very lost. I remember sitting here thinking that if my weight went over 300 lbs I was just done. Finished. I was going to end it.

I don’t remember the date, I suppose I could find it if I dug back through my journals over the years. I would have to go several years back to find it. I think I’ll leave it just where it is, in the past.

I am in such a different place now. I still live in the same house. I am still married to the same man. I still love to read and garden. But it is as if I am a different person. In a way I suppose I am.

I am a much happier, healthier, healing person; in mind body and spirit. Facing and dealing with the issues that I had allowed to torture me over the years.

Weight gain, bulimia, anexoria, all compulsive self-destructive behaviors… find the triggers behind the behaviors and you are well on your way to setting yourself free.

Pills, surgeries, gimmicks, and/or fads are not going to set you free. It’s up to you to do the work. Coaches, Doctors, friends, books, and so on are wonderful and useful. However it is still up to you. They can help you develop skills, but it is up to you do do the work. It is up to you to change your perspective from fix it for me, from blaming circumstances, or other people, to how do I do this for myself. My life, my responsibility… my choice, my freedom.

Your life, your responsibility…. Your choice, your freedom.

The attitudes you keep and the words you speak define your life.


 May 19th 2012
 June 23rd , 2012
Under Bust:

Above  Bust:
(wearing pink leisure
 bra~yes it does
make a difference) :
2 inches below navel:
Right thigh:
Left thigh:
Right calf:
Left Calf:
Right upper arm:
Left Upper arm:
Right forearm:
Left forearm:
Total change inches:


Yes You Can!

Life is a journey, one moment, one step, one day, one workout at a time!

Mary E. Robbins
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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Yes You Can!

I got on the scale this morning, as I do each morning. What did I see? I saw another drop in weight! Yay! 300.4 pounds. That is 13.4 pounds down. Yay! 155.4 pounds to go! One moment, one step, one day, one workout at a time…

So what is different this time around? Excellent question. Hmmmmm… so what is different. The biggest difference I can see is in attitude. My attitude that is. State of mind. Yes the binge trigger has been addressed, but that was only a part of the overall issue.

I have changed my attitude from I can’t to I can, and I am. There is more to it though. I remember feeling deprived if I “couldn’t” have some food or drink. Now it’s not that I can’t have it. I do not want it. That is a choice as well.

My eating style has changed as well. I no longer rush through a meal or snack. I savor the texture and flavor of the food. Ironically for the first time in my life I am actually enjoying what I eat. No guilt, no regrets, nourishing my body and enjoying the process. How funny is that.

I noticed another added benefit. Our grocery bill has gone down. So along with our health improving, we have more disposable income because we are not eating as much food. That just gives me a giggle.

No gimmicks, no fads, just small changes adding up over time. I am trying to eat healthy. That is not to say that when I’m in town that I don’t stop in at McDonalds. You know you do not have to be a glutton just because you are at a fast food restaurant. McDonalds did not make you fat. You made you fat. Stop whining, stop making excuses and own your behavior… then do something about it.

So what do you do. Put in some work, learn something about nutrition, get off you rotund butt and move. Even if it’s just 5 minutes at a time to start with. Oh yeah… 5 minutes a day will not burn the fat off your gut. I said if you can only move 5 minutes at a time to start with… then do it. Then do it again. Oh yeah… and again … and so on.

Do not try to change everything at once. This is a gradual process. One step, one breath, one day at a time.

Another tip, surround yourself with people that are working towards similar goals. Positive minded people. I don’t mean all sunshine and daisies. But realistic, focused people working towards a healthy vibrant lifestyle in mind body and spirit.

The attitudes you keep and the words you speak define your life.

Yes you can!

Mary E. Robbins
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Monday, May 28, 2012

Hubba! Just Hubba Baby!

Huge… Huge… Smile!

Hubba Hubba Hubba! Bounced up .6 lbs yesterday... to 306.0 dropped down to my lowest weight in over a year today...304.8 lbs. yeah baby!

It took 4 months to reach this tipping point, and I am soooooooooo glad to have reached it!

Frankly it felt like I was stuck in place, weight wise, stuck with friggen gorilla glue… hehehhe… yes I am grinning from ear to ear.

Yes Yes Yes... I am doing it!

Mary E. Robbins

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Lowest weight in a Year! Yeah Baby!

Lowest weight in a year! 305.4 lbs, Yes I am a happy camper. I spent most of the day in Scottsbluff yesterday. Which usually results in a bounce in weight.

So what was the difference? Usually when I go to town I drink one or two diet cokes. No calories but a ton of salt. Way too much. I had unsweetened ice tea with my lunch this time. Ate one 7 layer Taco Bell burrito for lunch and an ice tea. Mom and I had a little picnic lunch watching the birds and squirrel run around.

I walked around Menards, Home Depot, and Wal-mart; looking over the grills and looking for some pepper plants in a 4 or 6 pack. Haven’t decided on the grill yet and did not find any peppers in multiple packs.

I did get my hair cut… what a relief! It is really high and tight on the sides and longer on the top. Had some designs cut into the sides. The girl that did the cut and design work is pretty basic with the designs … but she gave it her all. I like the cut. Yeah ok… yes it’s a mowhawk… and I love it! Lol… no I don’t wear it spiked most of the time…lol… but it was def spiked when I came out of the salon. Hehehehe… too much fun. It was my lowest weight in a year celebration cut!

OMG! When I sat in the salon chair I just slid right in… loving it. Last year I remember the first time I was able to get into the salon chairs without forcing it. Yesterday It was soooooo wonderful to be able to simply sit.

Goin down down baby … down down… and loving it! Rockin of the booty fat… yeah yeah ….

Picked up some more tomato plants yesterday and some flowers… heading out to do ranch rounds… then garden a bit… ohyeah… beachbody shake for breakfast… and some cooofffffeeeee of course…

Later taters…

BTW Yes You Can!
Mary E. Robbins


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Friday, May 25, 2012

Lowest weight so far... 306.6...since my last weight post my weight started up the hill... it went from 306.8 to 307.6 to 307.8 crested at 309.0 today it dropped to 306.6 lbs...

I knew I had not eaten enough calories to have gained fat. Frankly I am thankful of that knowledge. I also knew I had worked my abdominals, arms, and back muscles to the point of exhaustion. So there was some water retention, swelling, and muscle construction going on.

The noticeable swelling has gone back down, muscles are still sore but not like an open cut and my energy level is coming back up.

I am happy to know that the amount of fat that my body lost actually weighs more than the amount of muscle my body built. Yay! Hehehehe… just tickles me.

Ok I admit it… I am rather torked every time the numbers go higher on the scale. I know it’s illogical, but I’m still a wee bit torked. Ah well… lol. On a major upside, a rise in weight on the scale is not causing major mood swings and ruining my entire day… nor setting me off on feeding frenzies. Yes it used to. I truly appreciate a better understanding of what’s going on with my body. It would be really simple if it was just reduce calories, increase activity, workout the balance of calories and have set result. However there is so much more involved. Metabolic rate, muscle construction and maintenance, how much you sleep, fat usage, insulin usage (no I am not diabetic- I am referring to my body’s use of the insulin it produces) water retention, and so much more. It’s rather fascinating how our bodies actually work. Fantastic design.

Something so cool happened yesterday. After my hubs doctor’s appt we stopped by Shari’s for lunch. The waiter led us to a booth, which lately has been a bit of a challenge for me….as in too fat to fit comfortably. I hesitated for a moment and thought I’m going to try it… Three guesses who slid right on into that booth… and the first 2 don’t count… hehehehe… I had the chicken strawberry salad for lunch. It was actually pretty good, grilled chicken, strawberry, some pecans, a bit of bleu cheese crumbles, on a bed of fresh spinach. I used about a tsp of sesame dressing and some vinegar for dressing. Had black coffee to drink…. Oh yeah and 2 bites of grilled flat bread.

The hubs had the American chopped salad… and did not eat any flat bread, and only half of his salad dressing. This is a major shift for him. So I am celebrating his choice.

Speaking of choices, I am hungry so I’m going to go make my early morning shake.

May you have a wonderful day!
Mary E. Robbins

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Saturday, May 19, 2012

Yeah baby… 307.2 lbs… keep on going…

Oh yeah... the weight is starting to move downward... highest weight this month: 313.8 lbs.... weight today 307.2 lbs... 6.5 lbs gone off my body... yay...

Proud of myself… I cooked breakfast for David… and I had a Beachbody shake … I've been pretty resistant to taking this tack... but that stuff is full of good stuff... so here goes...

I started charting my weight every day so I could actually see what was happening with it.

I make a point of getting at least 30 minutes of activity in each day, or the equivalent thereof. By the equivalent thereof: I mean if I have ridden my bike for 120 minutes one day and worked outside and whatever else… if I need a rest day I’ll take it. However even on rest days I usually have at least 30 minutes of some sort of physical activity. Whether it’s sweeping the floor, raking the yard, or dancing around the living room… something… just move…

I use the food and fitness journal on to keep track of what I am actually consuming, as well as my activities/workouts. I really like this thing… it’s free and it is helping me to … not starve or diet… so much as to change my food style and life style to a more healthy style.

I was stuck in place weight wise for quite a while. Frankly changing scales really threw me a mental curve ball. I am glad I did though this weight is more accurate and much easier to use.

I started periodically substituting my morning snack or breakfast with a beachbody shake… or shakeology (also from beachbody). On the days I did this I noticed that I did not have so many cravings during the day. Those things are so full of nutrition that my body needs that my body seems to function better all day.

I like what I’m seeing and feeling on the days I’m drinking the shakeology, and that poundage loss does not break my heart either.

So here is what I’m going to do. Today I am going to take my measurements. Which you know I seriously do not want to do… lol. I already weighed. 307.2 lbs that’s 6.5 pounds lost so far this month which frankly I did not realize until this morning because it’s been bouncing along. This loss is with sporadic use of shakeology.

For 30 days I am making the commitment to have shakeology/beachbody shake for early morning snack, or breakfast. I will post the results.

Measurements: Butt/hips: 59 inches (that is actually a couple inches down.. yay!)
Waist: 44 ¾ inches
Under Bust: 42 inches
Above Bust: 41 ¾ inches
Bust (wearing pink leisure bra~yes it does make a difference) : 52 inches
Belly 2 inches below navel: 60 inches
Right thigh: 33 ½ inches
Left thigh: 34 ½ inches
Right calf: 21 ½ inches
Left Calf: 21 ½ inches
Right upper arm: 16 ½ inches
Left Upper arm: 16 inches
Right forearm: 12 ½ inches
Left forearm: 12 inches
Neck: 16 ¼ inches

In 30 days I’ll measure again. June 18th 2012. I am going to continue weighing each morning…just because I want to see how weight fluctuates.

Here goes…

Life is a journey, one step one day at a time.
Mary E. Robbins
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Thursday, May 03, 2012

Boing... Bounce... Weight Bounce... ugh

May 2nd 2012: Day 121 in 200 days challenge:
2 miles on treadmill: 61:44 minutes: 1.9 to 2 mph: 3 odo

May 3rd 2012: Day 122 in 200 days challenge:
Stationary bike: 62 minutes: 11.6 miles: 777.6 odo

I feel so much better when I get a workout in ... in the morning... :)

Yesterday I bounced up to 313.8 lbs. Has to be water retention ... because I did not eat that many calories... my muscles are still really sore and I weighed the same this morning. Frustrating.

I decided to start using Shakeology as my early morning snack.

I used to walk walk walk... it had been a while since I'd walked any real distance without stopping to pick up something or just working around the ranch... I was actually surprised at the effect it had on me. Drove home the point that I need to walk more.

I know I need to add in some more cardio and resistance... but am not quite ready to do that yet. One day one step a a time. That hour on the treadmill yesterday was all I had in me.

Today is another day

I am certainly going to be glad when this weight starts going down down down... geez...

Mary E. Robbins

Wednesday, May 02, 2012


Of all the weirdness!

I’ve bounced 4 lbs. Bounced up one… then 3 overnight.

Oh, btw… no I did not consume enough calories to make that possible. 313.8 lbs.

I had decided to chart my weight daily and see what was happening with it.

Hmmmmm… wonder how long it will take to swing back down…. And keep going down…

I am going to keep charting it daily… for a while any way.

Oh yeah... I walked a mile yesterday, and rode my stationary bike for 85 minutes... 

Life is a journey... sometimes there are weird twists in the trail...
Mary E. Robbins
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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I got a new scale...

I got a new scale. This one says I weigh 311.8 pounds. Well, hmmmmm…. That is rather disheartening. Doesn’t really matter though. I am the same weight I was before I stepped on the scale. AAAAArrrraaaggggHHHHH!

I am just going to keep going. Sooner or later my body is going to reach the tipping point and the weight is going to start going down. I know I’ve been building muscle, because I can pick up a 40 pound bag of dog feed with one hand and give it a toss… The squishy fat hump that was across the top of my shoulders at the base of my neck is gone.

I can feel the muscles across my upper chest and all the way up and down my back, as well as my abs. Granted there is a layer of fat over them… but I can feel them under there. Feels like I’m growing inside this fat suit, building up to the point to where the fat suit is gone.

Oh yeah… my double chin is gone.

Be grand if I could just flip a switch and this total body transformation could be expedited immediately… like in some sci~fi movie. But, that is not how it works. It is moment by moment, day by day, changing from the inside out.

Attitude and resolve is such a huge part of this transformation. Truth be told mine has been thoroughly tested over the past few days. You’d think that the people supposedly the closest to you would be happy for you, when they see healthy change in your lifestyle. When they see positive changes in your health. When they see changes in your activity level. They said they were. Yeah right… pppphhhhttttttt!!!!!!!!!

OMG! Let the temper tantrums begin….AGAIN! In the past I’ve allowed. Yeah that’s right, I’m owning it. I’ve allowed their temper tantrums (manipulations) to completely derail my efforts. Usually resulted in a massive binge (not this time-not even a little binge) and days or even weeks of dark gray to black depression. The kind of mind numbing grief that leaves you immobile staring at the wall.

NOT THIS TIME! Yeah, I am kinda sad, but not that miserable nasty depression.

I am sad that my mother still refuses to own her own words, and actions. I am sad that she seems to feel it is necessary to “have a death crisis” yet again. (the first one of these I can remember was just before my high school graduation in 1978) Yes I went when the nursing home called me, part of me knowing that it was yet another manipulation, and part of me reeling from hearing how awful she was doing. When I got there she was gluing a mug together. Her color was good, breathing was fine, legs were swelled … no surprise there… all in all considering the massive neglect she has put her body through for 84 years she was doing fine.

I am done taking responsibility for her choices. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. Just means that I love myself as well, and I am not torturing myself over her self-destructive choices any longer. I am still tired from the massive adrenaline dump, surge, whatever you want to call it, that kicked in when they called saying she was at death’s door once again. On an up note… I did not have a panic attack or a gastric attack after seeing her. That in itself is major progress… oh yeah… and no binging either.

I actually had a talk with her that I’ve needed to have with her for years. She did her best to stop me from saying what I needed to say to her. She had a friend come in, then went for the constant interruption after her friend left. I got a chair and waited out her friend. Then we had a chat. Or rather I had something I needed to say… she needed to hear it as well, whether she wanted to or not. Truthfully I’m not sure she did hear it. Oh I know physically she did, but actually acknowledging what I had to say, that I don’t know. Only she knows that.

I told her that when it is her time to go (for this body to die) then it is her time to go; not a moment after, not a moment before. So if she had some issues she needed to deal with, then she had best get it done. I said it’s up to her, her life, her issues, Up to her to deal with them. It’s not up to me, it’s up to her. There is no guarantee of tomorrow for any of us, all we actually have in this life is right now, this moment.

I stopped off at Wal-Mart and picked up some supplies, visited with a friend I hadn’t seen in years… ran into her at the store, and came on home.

When I got home I unloaded the supplies, and headed out to the kennels to take care of the dogs. By the time I made it into the house I was totally exhausted and collapsed into a chair. I told my husband about the conversation with my mother, and about running into my friend. Then I sat down at my desk… and what did I hear… cupboard doors slamming in the kitchen. It was 9 pm by that time and I had not “fixed any dinner”.

Yee Haw… let the next tantrum begin.

Really?! Seriously?! I hadn’t eaten any dinner either… I just came in from taking care of the kennels… after dealing with yet another… come quick you mom’s dying… picked up supplies and you are having a bloody temper tantrum over dinner?! OMG! Seriously?! Another manipulative take care of me tantrum. One with my mother today wasn’t enough. Really?! He’d been sitting on his rear in a recliner, watching a big screen tv all bloody day. There are 2 refrigerators, 1 chest freezer, and a pantry… all stocked with food. Seriously you can‘t get something to eat. No I did not fix him any bloody dinner. Nor do I feel guilty about it.

This type of tantrum in the past has resulted in me coddling him, fixing him something to eat then losing it and binging. This time his selfish childish bratty bullying behavior pissed me off. I said enough of this shit and went out the door got in my truck and went for a drive. Bloody well tempted to keep on driving. I sat at a crossroad for quite a while sorting out which direction I was going to go. I decided to come back home.

I am no longer taking responsibility for their poor behavior; not my mother’s nor my husband’s. In the past I have enabled their behavior. I realize this. That, I am responsible for. As for their actual behavior… nah that is not mine that is theirs and I am not carrying the burden of it for them anymore.

I am watching my husband restrict his own activity more and more. It seems like the more active I become the more resistant he is to being active at all. Makes me sad, because I see a once strong man turning into a puffy ill body. The really sad thing is that he is doing it to himself. Back in the day I would have blamed myself for his choices; and ran after him trying to “make it better”. He would scream and yell, stomp and slam, I would shut down, binge, plummet off the edge into a black hole of depression, slowly crawling out after days or weeks, needy, looking for any kind of positive affirmation or affection.

Geez that was a crap way to live. I can see where he might be a bit confused. Lol… where both of them might be.

I am still me…. But I am NOT that person any more. I am done accepting the blame, or the responsibility, for other peoples choices. Your choices… your responsibility. Deal with it.

This is my choice, my responsibility. I choose life. I choose to live. I choose to live guilt free, no regrets!

One of the coolest things about all this….. is …… I am not ANGRY any more. That white hot rage, static in my head, is calming, rather than rage and static it’s morphing into focus. I actually have moments of peace and actual calm. That is so wonderful.

I am free. Hehehehe… the circumstances really don’t matter anymore… I am still free.

Life is a journey, sometimes it is quite the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
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Thursday, April 19, 2012

Top of the Morning Peeps!

Top of the morning Peeps! Today I choose to be responsible for me and my choices. On this grand day I choose to appreciate life and actually live it. No excuses. No whines… just do it…

I’ve been floundering around for several weeks. I’d lost some weight, then I allowed larger portions to come back in, and I gained. Enough of this. It doesn’t matter if my husband refuses to get off his butt and exercise. Of course I joined him in sitting on my but on the couch recliner. He didn’t make me sit on my butt… I chose to sit there with him and watch tv. Frankly the longer I sat there the angrier and crappier I felt.

I see where he is heading, and it scares me. Frustrates me as well, because there is not a friggen thing I can do about it.

I am not responsible for his activity. Taking care of his body has to be his choice. However I am responsible for mine. Frankly I choose to be able to be active… so… I’m rocking it… yeah!

Maybe… just maybe he will decide to get up and move too. But if he doesn’t, I am sorry, but I am not sitting there with you turning into a pile of human mush. This has been a tough decision for me. I love the guy and do not want to leave him behind rotting in a friggen chair.

Has to be his choice… I’ve made mine…

I can do this! I need to do this! I want to do this! I am doing this!

One day one workout at a time!

Mary E. Robbins
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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I did it! Completed 100 Days Challenge!

I did it! I completed the 100 days challenge. As for my results, I am stronger physically and mentally than when I started. This is a good thing. I actually enjoy being active now. This is a good thing.

I hit the 500 mile mark on my stationary bike…and am working towards 1000 miles. I should hit that marker during this 100 day set.

I really debated with myself regarding this goal set. 2nd set of 100 days goals. I was looking at P90X, Tai Cheng, Hip Hop Abs, Turbo Jam, Zumba, Yardwork, Gardening … and so on. I felt myself building myself into a “have to” corner and pressure cooker. All of these workouts are great, and I love gardening. I actually picked out my garden seeds this past week and purchased them.

The thing is, even though I may do these workouts, I do not want them as my primary goal. I am going to keep my primary goal simple and flexible. One day may be covered by gardening, one day Zumba, or I may get build my nerve up to tackle P90X… modified of course… lol.

Any of these activities fulfill my daily primary goal… just keep it moving for a minimum of 30 minutes a day… of course going beyond those 30 minutes is just fine… lol…

I did write down a few secondary goals… kind of like bonus rounds I suppose… lol…

The biggest thing is if you fall off target… well then you fell off target…. Dust yourself off and get moving again… one day one step at a time. You taking care of you… (((((Hugs))))))

Keep it simple, and enjoy the moment…

Goals: for 200 (101 ~ 200) days challenge:

Primary Goal:
Be active a minimum of 30 minutes a day or the equivalent thereof: one day one step at a time… getting stronger… getting healthier…

Secondary Goals:
1. Walk 50 miles from day 101 to 200
2. Continue Cycling/spinning
3. Record food intake daily
4. Shakeology for early morning snack… along with my coffee
5. Work on Planning weekly menus… one week at a time. (this is a biggie for me: Still need to work around David’s erratic sleep patterns. So how do I do this. Make a flexible guideline to follow with options to slide into it. )
I’ve been compulsive about food, and am finally free of that. I do not want to become obsessive about it. Balanced and aware eating to live, rather than living to eat. Allowing myself to savor the flavor without drowning in the calories… lol…

Well there you have it… 2nd set of 100 days…. Rocking on…

Life is a journey, One day, one workout at a time…

Mary E. Robbins
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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Week 6: Toe Nails, Bra Hooks, Compression Pants, and 500 miles

Happy Valentines Day Peeps!

I skipped the weigh in on Sunday last. I may skip a few more as well; frankly I have not decided as of yet. Here's the thing. This is not a diet! Nope, no diet here. This is about growing stronger and healthier and getting rid of excess fat.

I found myself sliding back into that old diet mentality getting tense over a step onto a scale. Eventually I'll step on the scale again. I am not sure when but eventually. I refuse to be tied to a number on a scale.

So how do I know I'm on track? There's the question.

Here is my answer for this week: Toe Nails, Bra Hooks, Compression Pants, and 500 miles. A bit cryptic I know. lol.

So here goes:

Toe Nails: Early Valentine’s Day morning I decided to give myself a Valentine's Day gift. Well it was either going to be a gift or a disappointment. I decided do my nails in sparkly red with hearts on my thumbs and big toes.

Finger nails were no problem Toe Nails, well that's another story. Major challenge there. It had been over 2 years since I could reach my toe nails to trim them without major pain. There was no way I could actually do a pedicure on my own feet.

Valentines Day Morning, I did just that! I have bright red toe nails with 2 hearts on each of my big toes. Hearts on my thumb nails as well.

This may sound silly, but it is a major celebration for me. Red toe nails aside, it means that I am stronger, more flexible, and have lost some of the belly fat that was getting in the way.

Yeah Baby! Happy Dance ... Happy Dance!

Bra Hooks: First off, allow me to clarify... I do not like bras. Ugh, however I am rather chesty so I tend to wear them for support. I was fussing about because mine was making me rather uncomfortable. Something was just off. I've been wearing my bra's in the loosest hook position, and I thought for pete's sake now what. Then I had a thought, I used the next tighter hook position, and what do you know. It fit and stayed in position. Then I thought, aw that bra is just stretched out. So I tried another one and had the same results.

Three guesses who is smaller around the rib cage... yeah baby! Yup that would be me... hehehe... giggle with glee...

Compression Pants: I live in compression pants. Wonderful genetic gift has given me legs that swell. Compression pants keep the swelling, and pain down. I have several pairs of shiny navy blue compression pants. They are great to work out in and I can wear them under most things. When I'm home or working out I just run around with a shiny navy blue butt.

Two years ago I bought some other compression pants made of a different kind of fabric that is warmer. They were the same size as the ones I live in but different texture. OMG! I wiggled and squirmed and could not get them on! They came up to the tops of my thighs and that was the end of it. I fought and wiggled and got them off and folded them up and put them in a drawer. Two years ago.

Yesterday I decided to check them out to see if I could wear them. drum roll please.... I can wear them! Whoo Haaaaa! Not sort of wear them, they fit, plenty of room for my abundant behind, good fit on the legs, and fits my waist without biting me. They fit like a second skin, just like they are supposed to. Yeah!

It would seem that Miss Mary has lost some size on her calves, legs, behind, and waist! Are you ready... here we go .... happy dance ... happy dance... get up and shake it in a happy dance...

500 Miles: My stationary bike has a cumulative odometer. Out of curiosity I started checking it to see how far I'd ridden since January 1st 2012. I was so thrilled, my last ride I broke through the 500 mile mark. This just amazes and thrills me, since when I first got on this thing I could barely make 5 minutes on it.

Six weeks later and I've covered over 500 miles. Wow, that is just too cool.

So there you have it, no scales, No Excuses. Week 6: Toe Nails, Bra Hooks, Compression Pants and 500 miles.

I am celebrating the positive changes in my body as I continue... chanting No Excuses!

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins

Friday, February 10, 2012

Friday's Rant:

My face was twitchy most of the day and evening yesterday. My body’s warning system. Low on some vitamin/mineral… too bad there isn’t a flat screen that can tell me what to intake in exact amounts. Wouldn’t that be grand?! It’s still off, I know it is because it is still that twitchy feeling along the outside of my right eye socket. That twitchy bit is the precursor for an upcoming event. The event being either spasms that catch and release, or a major knot up in some muscle group that just stays contracted … painfully contracted… until it gets enough of the vitamin/mineral it needs.

Cravings went into overdrive yesterday… calcium (milk or milk products) potassium (potatoes oranges peanut butter) salt (anything salty I could get my hands on)

I wonder, hmmm… I wonder if one or some of the scripts I’m on are interfering with nutrient absorption. Time to dig through some more mountains of useless information searching for what the side effects of long term use of these drugs actually are. Ick. I use Advair, Singular, and Nexium.

Part of my quest for a healthier lifestyle is to get rid of these drugs, as in no longer need them. One day one step at a time. It’s frustrating to me that doctors/medicine in this country treat symptoms rather then what’s behind the symptoms.

Reflux for instance. Throat and ear infections much? Sinusitis, bronchitis, pneumonia much?

So what’s behind the reflux? Hiatal hernia, yes maybe. Excess acid production, as in H pylori, yes maybe. Could be, just could be OVEREATING! Compulsive binge eating, or simply stuffing yourself with too much food. (clean you plate~a plate by the way that has enough food on it for 2 or 3 kids~clean your plate and you can have some ice cream)

Lets not deal with the crap eating habits, or what’s behind the binge eating. No, No, lets not actually deal with the issues and behaviors that are actually behind the health issues in the first place. Let’s just throw a drug at it. Let’s create a nation of obese drug dependent citizens instead. AAAArrrraaaaggghhhh!!!!!!

Ok, so I would prefer to not have had years of drugs thrown at symptoms, not actually knowing that … and here it comes… my behavior and or issues were what were causing the health problems my body was having. Hey they were doctors so I believed what they said. Yeah well that didn’t work out so well.

I remember when I learned that binge eating and reflux were related. A cause and effect relationship. It was like a light bulb went off … OMG! I’ve done this to myself all these years. I didn’t think I could do anything about it, and all this time, my behavior was causing it! No my doctor did not tell me, I was doing some reading and discovered it.

No, I am not saying to not use doctors; I am saying to take responsibility for your life/health/body/mind/spirit… and educate yourself. It would be great if we could just trust that what other’s said was the best for our health. However that is not the case. If you give away your personal power, and do not take responsibility for yourself… well look around you see it everywhere. (can we say: morbidly obese people in scooters at Walmart for instance~or skeleton skinny models on runways)

There is nothing I can do about the choices/decisions I made in the past. What I can do is go on from here. I choose to be healthy/happy and to live my life.

I am actually kind of amazed that I road my stationary bike a total of 150 minutes yesterday. I road 3 different sets, with a short break in between. 1st set: 47 minutes 2nd set: 48 minutes 3rd set: 53 minutes. I road until my feet went totally numb. Then I got off and carefully walked around until I had the feeling back in my feet and bum. It’s taking longer for my feet to fall asleep… I am hoping that eventually I can go the entire ride in one set without my feet and legs going numb.

Pretty beyond it on my eating yesterday. Was not a good day in that aspect. Sounds like an advertisement, but the Shakeology and or P90X vitamins/minerals, really seem to make a difference. I did not ingest either yesterday and my body was demanding something all day yesterday. Major duh on my part to not just give it the nutrients it needed. Lol… unfortunately on my part by the time I get to that point I’m not thinking any too clearly.

BTW I got smart and took P90X vitamins/minerals after breakfast. The twitchiness in my face is lessening. Obviously there is something in there my body needs. These vitamins/minerals have not turned my stomach so far. Yay!

Better start on nutrition today.

On to it… may you have a great day.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Week 5: Feeling Good!

Week 5: today was supposed to be my weigh in day. Well I chose to not weigh in today. Today is my birthday and messing with that scale tends to do a head job on me. Yes I know I still have some issues to deal with.

I do know I am losing fat though. How do I know this. Because I'm smaller. Yep smaller. Yee Haw! Kicking my heals together in celebration. No I did not whip out the tape measure. What I did was get ready to go out to do ranch rounds. I had one sweat shirt on already and grabbed my work hoodie and pulled it on. It fit comfortably over the other sweatshirt! Yeah baby. That work hoodie was tight to start with just over a sleeveless tee shirt. Then I was able to wear it over a light turtleneck. Today I wore it over the sleeveless tee shirt and another sweatshirt!

I noticed that my insulated coveralls were fitting looser as well. The other day I stepped into them, I wear my work hoodie under them and a pair of compression pants. It had been difficult to zip them up. Not this time, I whipped that zipper up. I noticed when I was out working I was pulling them up as well. I've put heavy duty elastic in the waist of these coveralls to hold them in place and I had made them too tight around the waist. Not any more. Yay!

I'll weigh in again. Just not today. I am happy with the size loss though. Today is a good day. I was able to walk up the hill outside easily, I walked for a bit over an hour. It's wonderful to actually feel good.

Oh yeah, I had Shakeology for breakfast this morning. I've noticed that I feel better when I do.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I Really Did IT! :Shakeology is the Real Deal

Day 31 on #100 days challenge I did it! 93min 12 seconds at level 4 on stationary bike.

If you'd told me a month ago I could do this by now... I don't think I would have believed you! I did it... I really did it!

The 100 days challenge that I am doing is to workout, or do some physical activity for a minimum of 30 minutes for 100 days.

Yesterday and today I started doing something different in the mornings before I work out. Since I started working out more my appetite has kicked into overdrive. Body looking for fuel and nutrition and all that.

No I have not binged. But I have spent my days hungry. The P90X vitamins made a big difference on how good I was feeling. I can really tell the difference when I take them and when I don't.

Yesterday I had Shakeology for breakfast. I had it in the cupboard and did not want to mess with fixing any thing else so I grabbed it. I noticed that I did not have that knawing hunger all day. I ate yes, but tat knawing hunger has still been there.

Today I grabbed Shakeology again. Usually by this time it feels like someone has kicked me in the stomach I am so hungry. I am a bit hungry but I don't have that gut ache nor the hunger headache.

Truthfully when Beachbody came out with this stuff, I thought yeah right. Yes I had a suck attitude. I'd tried different drink supplements before and usually they left me feeling like crap. So I didn't believe them. Over the past year I've used shakeology on and off but never really paid attention to what was happening.

I had not been very active for over a year, waiting for a huge hernia patch to heal into my abdominal muscles. The first of this year I got the go ahead to get with it working out. So here we go. Other than yesterday and today I have been ravenously hungry. No I am not starving myself, but my body definately needed more nutrition than it could get from the food I have been eating.

I don't know if I would have noticed the difference if I had not been so hungry all month. But I am certainly noticing it now. I didn't eat a mid morning snack, because I was still on the bike working out, and I do not have a hunger headache.

Consider my attitude adjusted... I will be having Shakeology for breakfast tomorrow morning before my workout.

My own negative attitude got in my way. This stuff actually is really good stuff... Ok I believe it now. :)

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.

Mary E. Robbins


Monday, January 30, 2012

Week 4: Getting Stronger... Weight...

Sunday morning came and went. Frankly I had nothing nice to say all day, so I kept my comments to a minimum. No point in spreading the pissed off. And, I was truly pissed off. I doesn't matter that there were logical explanations I was livid all friggen day. Just mad, and my mad spread out over everything I did and thought all day. By evening I was starting to level off a bit.

I woke up before dawn with the wind howling around the house. Picking up sand and blasting it against the windows and walls. My house is a semi berm house so our bedroom windows are just a few inches above the ground. I remember thinking, I hope that's not snow being pelted into that window. It would have been a monstrous blizzard with that wind. Thank God (literally) that it was not snowing, just that miserable wind.

Sunday is my weigh in day so I headed to the pantry, where I keep that torture device called a scale. I got on it and the bloody thing did not budge. Still 300.5 pounds. I friggen lost it. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. My patience and tolerance levels were both pretty low any way. I've been dealing with an infection in my throat, messed up glasses lenses, and sore bloodshot eyes from that friggen wind and all the crap it's stirring up. The weight not budging was the last bloody straw. I was "officially" mad mad mad.

I am still a bit irritable over it. But much calmer. It did take all of yesterday into the night for me to get a handle on it.

Had I been pigging out, or not working out, it would have been, "well you messed up what did you expect". Well, I did not pig out, and I did work out, and I expected the results to show on the scale. Obviously it does not always work that way, immediately that is.

I have been increasing the time duration, and the difficulty of my workouts. Two days, on ranch rounds I lifted heavy. On the one day I maxed out to the point that I could no longer lift, I was moving a heavy horse stall mat. A couple of months ago I would not have been able to move it at all. The other heavy lifting day, the weight I was lifting varied between 40 and 100 pounds.

The resistance on the bikes has been set at 3 for the past 2 weeks. The first day I tried that I had a bugger of a time making a 30 minute set. I kept at it and by the end of 2 weeks I was blasting out a 90 minute set at level 3. Bounced it up to level 4 today, 91 minute ride! Legs were burning and my clothes are soaked but I did it!

Every time I do ranch rounds there's, walking, lifting, and endurance involved. The walking is on a rough uneven grade. Great for building leg muscles, core strength, and upper body as well.

I can feel the increased strength in my body just moving about the house.

The scale will eventually move, the increased strength and endurance is worth the stall on weight loss. I know I am losing fat and building muscle. Muscle weighs more than useless flab (fat) does.

I have an issue with the scale. Obviously! I thought about not saying anything about it, but you know that is a part of this journey as well. On the upside I feel really good about the workouts I've gotten in this past week.

I am continuing on my quest for improved health and greater strength. The fat will come off along the way. Perhaps not exactly as I would have preferred. It would be great to be able to just plug in a formula and see the results I was expecting. However there are a couple of unknowns in the equation; changes in metabolism, and increased muscle.

Both, changes in metabolism and increased muscle mass, are good things.

So here we go...

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins