Week 2: Second Weigh in: Still Trucking

January 15th, 2012 first thing in the morning I went into my pantry, turned on the lights and stared at my scale. I knew that I had recorded what I ate, recorded my calorie expenditures, and should (note the should) have another weight loss for this week.  Even so I was nervous.

I straightened my spine, drew in my abdominals, gritted my teeth and, and, and, stepped on the scale. I made sure I had my feet in position, and then I took my hands off the wall and started balancing the scale. The scale I use has balance weights, and a level bubble in it. I lined up one weight, then started gradually moving the other into position. Watching that bubble all the time. First it was on one side of the lines, and then the other. Finally it lined up exactly in between those lines. There it was my weight for this week. I waited a second or two, not really sure how many, and took a look. 300.5 pounds.

Once again I am celebrating my weight even though it is still over 300 pounds. I am celebrating because I am still on target for my goal of being 100 pounds lighter on December 31st 2012.  I lost 2 pounds this week, 302.5 - 2 = 300.5 pounds.

So far this year I have lost 2 pounds for 2 consecutive weeks for a total of 4 pounds.  Not very dramatic I know. But to tell you the truth I have had about enough of drama. I am not going for the 10 to 15 pounds in a week weight loss only to have my body go into shock and plateau big time, or worse yet bounce right back up. I know the 2 pounds I lost is actually fat loss.

It's not from water loss, or laxatives, or any other stupid trick. That's right I said stupid; and yes I've pulled nearly every one of them in the past. Along with quite a number of strict, and I do mean strict food regimens, otherwise known as diets. I am so done with that crap. That's right I called it crap. I am not going to go any farther down that descriptive road at this time because it will turn into a full on rant, and that is putting it mildly.

What I am doing is eating real food. I am doing my best to make the calories I do eat actually be of value. By of value, I mean full of nutrition. For the most part I am avoiding artificial food products, and empty calories. That does not mean that I don't have a heath mini bar here and there, or coffee with cream, or ice cream, for that matter.  I just make sure I've recorded their calories and have a good nutrient base.

I am taking vitamins and minerals. I really like the P90X vitamin packets Beachbody has. I do recommend them. I also recommend Shakeology from Beachbody.  I do not use it as a meal replacement. I like it as a snack in the morning or afternoon.  I usually have a snack around 10:00 AM and around 3:00 PM.  One of my favorite snacks in the afternoon is an orange and a stick of string cheese.

I also make a point of drinking water. I bought myself 24 ounce  double walled water bottle and fill it at least twice a day. Most of the time it's filled 3 times a day or more, depending on how active I am. The more active I am the more water I drink. That's what I said, water. I usually put a packet of zero calorie, unsweetened electrolytes in at least one of the bottles of water. I am trying to stay away from artificial sweeteners, although I do consume some. I like diet coke now and again. Oh, and no I do not count it as water. Usually when I drink diet coke my body needs even more water than if I had not drank anything at all. Plus, my hands and feet swell up after I've drank it. That can't be good, ya know.

The other thing that I am doing is: wait for it. I bet you know what it is. Ok, here it is. The other thing I am doing is being active. I make a point of getting at least 30 minutes of cardio activity every day. That is my minimum. Most of the time I get considerably more. Just get up and move.

To start with I could barely ride my stationary bike 5 minutes. That's right I said 5 minutes. This morning I rode 3 sets on it. Set number 1 was 33 minutes, set number 2 was 46 minutes, and set number 3 was 45 minutes. I am riding in 30 to 45 minute sets because my feet, backs of my thighs, and butt go to sleep otherwise. I am finding it's more productive for me to break it into sets, then I can ride much longer.

Why so much on the stationary bikes?  No big secret, I want to be able to ride my bike, and actually be able to enjoy it this spring/summer/fall. I have a goal of  being able to ride a century in a day. I aim to do that by this fall. A century is 100 miles in a day.

Later, as in after this year, I'm thinking, I would like to take a vacation and ride in a bicycle tour. There is one in Alaska that caught my eye. Looks like fun.

Well that's it for week two of my quest to be 100 pounds lighter by December 31st 2012. 

Stay tuned in for a healthier lighter me.

Here's hoping that my journey will help other's along the way.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

Enough Already...

Well I've decided! Grand isn't it to actually make a decision. Yup, I decided, enough already! Grand little announcement isn't it!?  I have a tendency to be a caretaker. Perhaps another word for it would be enabler. Now that doesn't sound so charming and nurturing does it? No perhaps not.

I am actually very good at it, being an enabler that is.  I've tons of experience from early childhood on.  Someone's not happy, what can I do to make it better, how can I help you, it MUST be my fault that you are a miserable ---- hmmm, should I use the word I actually thought.  I think I'll let you fill in the blank.

How did I get this way; that's actually another story entirely. Short version, it was strongly reinforced from very early childhood on. Displease someone, anyone, and the result was a tree switch, horse halter, or whatever else was handy. Usually a snapping tree branch. You know those feel much like a horse whip. Well perhaps you don't know, but I can tell you from personal experience that they do. They also raise the same kind of welts, and cut skin the same way. So I suppose I could say that enabling behavior was whipped into me, literally. The spare the rod spoil the child bit was a well chanted litany in our home.

There was nothing, that I knew of, that I could do about things then.  However; I can do something about this self-destructive enabling behavior now. Taking responsibility for other people's behavior sets you up as the recipient for all sorts of, less than desirable behaviors and situations. It tends to sneak in when you actually believe you are "only helping".  Often there is a fine line between "helping" and "enabling".

So here we are, back to what brought me to this decision. Actually it's a decision long time in coming, that has waxed and waned for years. Truthfully I am not sure just how it's going to stand now. At any rate, this is where I am now. Digging through the years of emotion buried in the fat that I've packed onto my 5 ft 7 inch frame.

Back on point, the series of events that brought me strongly to this decision came to a head yesterday.  An absolutely miserable day it was too. The irony of yesterday being an absolutely miserable day is not lost on me, I've been looking forward to nice warm weather for months.  It was a lovely spring day, no wind, mid 70's wonderful day outside. Even though it was totally marred by a totally crap attitude by my life partner.

He has been acting out like a monstrous two year old brat, no change that, his behavior has been more devious than that. More like a spoiled bratty teenager that didn't get his own way; ever since the doctor told him to cut his food intake down to 1800 calories, cut back on his alcohol, develop a regular sleep pattern, and get some exercise. She told him his A1C was totally out of line.

Hence the creation of a nasty attitude, looking for someone to blame for his own irresponsibility. Three guesses who jumped into the fray to "help"; more the fool I. I have been cooking only meals that are in that calorie range. Got him a journal to use to count his calories; and have been including him in food prep decisions.  Asking him what he thought; if he liked the meals had any ideas and so on. Only to hear snide depreciating comments. I get it that he's frustrated. No surprise there, I am too. I get it that he's looking for someone to blame for the situation he is in. So sorry I am no longer accepting that position. Want someone to hold accountable for, or blame for, the mess you've allowed your body to become. Look in the mirror. It's all on you.  Just like the 161 lbs I have to lose is all on me.

So how is this "Enough Already" decision going to play out?  Well, I'm  not sure. I am going to continue to plan out meals that are in the 1800 daily calorie range. I told the doctor I would, and I need to do this for myself as well. I am not however, going to fawn after my life partner asking him what he would like; or to even help plan. If he wants any input he will have to step up and make the effort to become involved. Nor am I cooking separate meals, if he doesn't like what I've prepped.

I am no longer going to be asking him if he has his journal, insulin, vitamins, etc.  How he handles taking care of his body is up to him. Perhaps, I am hoping anyway, he will step up and do what his body requires him to do to be healthy. I hope so because I actually do love my husband, and would like to have some quality time with him. I wish I could just "fix it" but I can't, it's up to him. That's been a very hard realization to come to.

I suppose the final comment that was a reality check for me was. When I asked him if  he was ok, and did he like the meal. After I'd spent considerable time sorting out the calorie counts and remaking the recipes, as well as prepping the meal.  He snapped at me, and when I asked him what was wrong he said: I am miserable, and you may as well be too. I had already done everything I could think of to try to help him and this was a bit of an eye opener. It was also the last straw after another day full of petty nastiness.

He is miserable because he is choosing to be miserable!

Hence the journey to Enough Already!  I am done. I love him, but this behavior is not acceptable.  I am no longer taking responsibility nor blame for his, nor for anyone's, choices other than my own.

Today is a new day.
I am thankful for peace in my heart and mind.

My husband is in God's hands, and responsible for his own choices.

Perhaps, now that I will no longer be treating him like a bratty child he will no longer act like one. No I am not blaming myself for his behavior, only accepting responsibility for my culpability in said situation.

Life is a journey, sometimes there are boulders in the road. It's up to you how you respond to them.
Mary E. Robbins

Anti-Aging Foods Cheat Sheet

 This tasty looking cheat sheet caught my eye.  It was in my newsletter from The Dr. Oz Show.... 

Hope you find it useful...

Life is a journey, a healthy body makes the trip more enjoyable!
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch:
307.788.0202



Anti-Aging Foods Cheat Sheet | The Dr. Oz Show

A well-balanced diet can help you lose weight, live longer and feel fitter. But it can also help you look younger. Forget the fountain of youth. Load...

Consider these foods your anti-aging staples. As a rule, fruits and vegetables high in flavonoids and carotenoids, 2 powerful plant-based antioxidants, will remove the free radicals from your skin and body that cause you to age prematurely.

A well-balanced diet can help you lose weight, live longer and feel fitter. But it can also help you look younger. Forget the fountain of youth. Load up a plate at the feel-better buffet and turn back the clock on a full (and happy) stomach.

• Cod contains selenium which safeguards your skin from sun damage and cancer.
• Mango provides 96% of your daily vitamin C needs and helps prevent periodontal disease.
• Lowfat cottage cheese is full of protein, and therefore promotes hair health (since hair is mostly protein). Just be wary of hidden sodium levels.
• Lean beef is full of iron. Iron deficiency can cause nail beds to be thin and concave.
• Foods of the Mediterranean: fennel, an anti-inflammatory; octopus, a rich source of Omega-3 fatty acids, B12, iron and zinc; gigantes beans, giant lima beans rich in potassium
• Oysters an excellent source of zinc, which aids in protein synthesis and collagen formation.
• Red peppers and brussels sprouts are rich in vitamin C, which help build collagen and fight off free radicals.
• Blueberries 1 serving of this superfood provides more antioxidant activity than most fruits and veggies. Antioxidants fight the free radicals that cause wrinkles.
• Sunflower seeds contain lignin phytoestrogens, which prevent collagen breakdown and boost the skin's lipid barrier.
• Tuna contains Omega-3 fatty acids that fight UV-related cell damage and are a rich source of niacin, a deficiency of which causes skin rashes.
• Avocados are one of the richest sources of monounsaturated fats and contain biotin for healthy skin.
• Watermelon is a source of lycopene, which protects the skin from UV rays.
• Kelp contains vitamins C and E, which protect fats in the skin's moisture barrier from free-radical damage.
• Lentils are a good source of zinc.
• Pumpkin seeds are pumped full of antioxidants and magnesium, which help lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke.
• Eggs are high in iron and biotin.
• Pomegranate seeds contain juice rich in ellagic acid and punic alagin - 2 agents that fight damage from free radicals and preserve the collagen in your skin.
• Oatmeal is high in soluble fiber which reduces LDL cholesterol (the "bad" cholesterol").
• Black currants contain a compound called anthocyanosides, which can help improve vision. Additionally, this superfood contains 5 times the vitamin C that oranges do, making it a superb immunity booster.
• Cranberry juice disrupts the formation of plague and thereby prevents yellowing of teeth. The flavonoids in cranberry juice also counteract the damaging effects of bacteria that cause tooth decay. Be careful that you aren't drinking a sugar-laden cranberry juice cocktail.
• Dark chocolate will help curb your sweet tooth and is rich in flavonoids.  
• Red wine made with the dark skin and seeds of the grapes that are rich in polyphenols, a type of antioxidant that includes resveratrol. If you aren't a drinker, opt for grape juice or a resveratrol supplement available at your drug store for about $25.

Boing.... Boing.... Boing....

Boing... and BOING!!!!! Monday is my usual weigh in day. So I trudged up the stairs, (I've been keeping my scale in an upstairs bedroom that I usually workout in) and stepped on it in my birthday suit. And Thar she Blew! 4 pounds up. Frustrating as that is there is also progress to be seen. Pretty nifty progress at that.

What kind of progress can be seen in a 4 pound gain in an obese (yeah that's what I said OBESE) woman's efforts to become more healthy? Svelte in fact.

Here it is. A year ago that kind of weight bounce, even though I knew my body had significant swelling, would have triggered a nasty depressive swing and uncontrollable compulsive eating. Translated: so depressed I just sat and stared at the wall uncontrollably snarfing anything remotely edible until I simply could not eat anything else.

This is HUGE, no not my rear... oh well yes that is too, but it's not what I'm talking about right now. True I was, NOT HAPPY with the weight gain. But, and it is a HUGE BUT, I am very happy that I am dealing with it in a productive emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically healthful way.

Rather than taking an uncontrollable nose dive into a black hole of self destructive depression I was able to approach this disappointment in a logical productive manner.

Here is the "result", how did I get here, what can I do about it. What steps can I take to obtain the desired result?

This is a great day indeed. I have been living on an extreme emotional/mental/physical roller-coaster ride for the majority of my life. This time around I was able to say "no thanks- I'll pass" when that ride ticket popped up.

A 4 pound weight gain is a relatively minor thing in the overall scope of things. However, in my life any kind of weight gain has been a major trigger. Things get linked up to inappropriate responses. Sorting those out and changing them to appropriate responses can make a major difference in your life.

For me in this instance, I am free to say no to some hugely self-destructive behavior that has been plaguing me for over 30 years. Now I know I can do! Not I wish I could, but I CAN!

There is a major difference. I can do says, I can do this. I may have to change directions, alter plans, and so on. But I can do.

I wish I could- or I'll try - says... I don't really believe I can. I am not really worth the effort. There is always that nagging self doubt. Often hidden deep within, that overrides every thing in your life. That hollow echoing hole of worthlessness.

Look around, see behind the masks, you are not alone in this. You can live, actually live your life, not fake it.... and here is the BIGGIE ... you can live in this life!

Here is the really really cool thing about this. If I can do this. You can too.... you can actually be free to live your life. Free to enjoy the moment. Free to actually live. Rather than subsist between crisis.

With that... I'm off to tackle the rest of my day...



Life is a journey, sometimes it's fun to stand on the top of a hill and look back at how far you've come...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

p.s. BTW I got back on the scale this morning. It was swelling, the 4 pounds has dropped off. Had I triggered into a self destructive cycle, this bit of good news would have been too late to make any positive difference. That 4 pounds of swelling would have more than likely turned into a 15 or 20 pound real fat gain. Before the cycle spent itself.

It's good to be off that ride. ;)