August first 2011, I made a decision. I made no grand announcements, set off no fireworks, made no grand production. But, I must have done something differently because the reactions have already began. Actually they started yesterday.
What I did do was make my mind up that I was done letting other people's reactions, and or drama cause me to sabotage my efforts to improve my health. Perhaps my attitude shifted a bit. Well yes it shifted quite a bit... I hit the "I'm so done with this nonsense level" on my tolerance meter.
I made up my mind that with or without my husband's support I was taking this fat off my body and getting into shape. I started logging everything that goes into my mouth, logging exercise... oh yes and working out. I started refusing extra food.
Wow did that trigger a reaction. The food pushing has begun. In full force I might add. He says he loves me more and more each day. We've been together since October 1990, married October 1991. It's great that he says he loves me, and I am sure he does. But for some reason he seems terrified of me losing weight or changing behaviors.
In the past when he has started these behaviors, I would get upset, binge, and give up after having spent days in a miserable swirl of depression while he was out on the railroad.
Within the last 8 months or so I discovered my binge trigger. Totally ingrained behavior from early childhood. I had no idea what was triggering my self destructive behavior, and I've been working on said issues for quite some time. This one was buried very very deep.
My husbands reactions to my efforts have encompassed saying he was supportive, to fussing about my food choices, complaining about foods he normally likes, waiting until he knows I've given up on him getting up to join me for breakfast and gone ahead and eaten... then whining for me to fix him breakfast and eat with him. To neglecting his blood sugar to a near crash on the low side to, abusing his body with too many carbs on the high side. To insisting that I eat more than I want, to sulking and being petty, to deliberately starting an argument over some totally unrelated illogical matter.
I actually do love this guy, and most of the time I actually like him. Although I will say I am none to fond of his behavior of late. I'm not sure how to explain it. I am just done. I am done letting other folks insecurities and crap behaviors rule my life. I am done being manipulated into behaviors that I know are detrimental to my self. If that's selfish, then so be it. I've allowed these manipulations for a long, long, time so I suppose it will take a bit of time for it to sink in that they are no longer going to work. Truth be told I'm not sure I have the patience to wait out his fear of change.
I am not going to back off on my quest to be a healthy balanced individual. This fat needs to come off my body it is killing me.
I hope he can adjust and come along with me on this journey. If he doesn't start taking better care of his own body he will not be around long either. I refuse to be left here unable to function... I suppose that is a big part of my determination. That and I do not want to live the rest of my life in this miserable fat suit!
Other than venting, what is the purpose of this post? It's a heads up to folks making adjustments in their lives. The people around you may react in rather un-supportive ways even though they say they support your efforts...
Yes it's wonderful you are losing weight... have another piece of pie...
Life is a journey, sometimes those you are with are moving in another direction...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
Showing posts with label weightloss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weightloss. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Ten Pounds Down, 140 to Go
WOWY exercise log: late night jan 27th, 2009. stomach was pretty icky so i went with the elliptical, just in case I had to run for the bathroom again. 8.4 kms managed to get up over 50 rpm but couldn't keep it there yet.
Diet Log: toasted bagel (140 cal) with 2 tsp cream cheese and coffee with tsp creamer (10 cal) for breakfast
lunch was ham and split pea soup- progresso from the can, around 6 saltine crackers give or take
dinner was spagetti w/ home made sauce.. later snack spagetti with home made sauce and a glass of 2% milk
unfortunately my stomach blew up ... ugh
General: Truthfully I’ve had a bit of a crappy attitude ever since the weather shifted into full blown cold winter. It was 10 below zero on my window thermometer between 5 and 6 this morning. Ugh. Frankly that is too bloody cold. We have around a foot of snow on the ground. I fed the dogs a hot food today. Everyone seems to be doing ok. Bloody braker tripped to the whelping house. The hairballs in there aren't used to the cold like the others are. Fortunately it didn't trip last night; it had to be sometime this afternoon. I know this because their water wasn't frozen solid. It did get down to freezing before I caught it. Its back on now, I am going to check it again before I go to bed, and when I get up in the night to stoke the wood stove.
Frankly I'm glad I don't have any puppies in there. Some seniors, and some young dogs and one teenager, so to speak. He is such a trip. They are all pissed because I won't let them out in the play yards to play. Since they aren't acclimated it is too cold.
The big dogs that are outside are doing fine; they really like that hot food. I need to tweak my recipe a bit but it is doing the trick now. I've been taking my recipe and mixing it in with dry dog food and pouring very hot water over it. Makes hot rich gravy. Don't want to use too much of the recipe, it would be too rich. Seems to be working pretty well with the dry food as a base though. I'll really have to watch it if I continue it over the summer. Serve just enough so they will clean it up quickly. Don't want spoilage.
I am going to be so glad when we get our house built, and I can convert this one completely into the kennel office and kennels. That will be so nice.
I’m getting pretty excited about Team Beachbody. As far as getting in shape, I couldn’t ask for more. Excellent workouts, fitness tips, diet information, nutrition products, message board support, excellent across the board. They even have a program that deals with type II diabetes. No I am not diabetic, but someone I love very much is. On the business side, wow!
Excellent product line, excellent product support, top notch business support, excellent pay plan. Hit’s the high points on everything I was looking for. Lord knows I’ve been looking and looking. Frankly I was seriously surprised to find this opportunity.
I kind of stumbled across it when I was looking for somewhere for fitness and weight loss support. I looked at weight watchers, I looked at Ivillage, I looked at ediets, I looked at T.O.P.S., I looked at overeaters anonymous, and I considered bariatric surgery. There’s a few fitness centers/gym’s within a 50 mile radius of where I live. But frankly its nuts to try to get there in the winter when the storms roll in. Between working on line and working with my kennels taking out hours to go to a gym just isn’t happening. I live to far out for it to be practical time wise, not to mention the fuel usage.
So I started looking for workout DVDs. Team Beachbody has some primo workouts. Effective and fun. As in not boring. Hip Hop Abs, P90 X, Slim in 6, Turbo Jam just to name a few. Wow and how.
I found what I was looking for. 10 pounds down so far. 140 to go.
I was worried about having flab hanging as I lost weight. I don’t think I am going to have much of a problem with that with the workouts. It is going to be such a relief to only be carrying the weight of one person around, instead of 2. I can already feel the difference in my abs and the muscles up my back. Frankly it’s great to be rebuilding my strength too.
Gotta get some zzzzs
Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
Team Beachbody
Turn Weight loss into Profit: Learn How to Become a Beachbody Coach
307.788.0202 call me, I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have.
Diet Log: toasted bagel (140 cal) with 2 tsp cream cheese and coffee with tsp creamer (10 cal) for breakfast
lunch was ham and split pea soup- progresso from the can, around 6 saltine crackers give or take
dinner was spagetti w/ home made sauce.. later snack spagetti with home made sauce and a glass of 2% milk
unfortunately my stomach blew up ... ugh
General: Truthfully I’ve had a bit of a crappy attitude ever since the weather shifted into full blown cold winter. It was 10 below zero on my window thermometer between 5 and 6 this morning. Ugh. Frankly that is too bloody cold. We have around a foot of snow on the ground. I fed the dogs a hot food today. Everyone seems to be doing ok. Bloody braker tripped to the whelping house. The hairballs in there aren't used to the cold like the others are. Fortunately it didn't trip last night; it had to be sometime this afternoon. I know this because their water wasn't frozen solid. It did get down to freezing before I caught it. Its back on now, I am going to check it again before I go to bed, and when I get up in the night to stoke the wood stove.
Frankly I'm glad I don't have any puppies in there. Some seniors, and some young dogs and one teenager, so to speak. He is such a trip. They are all pissed because I won't let them out in the play yards to play. Since they aren't acclimated it is too cold.
The big dogs that are outside are doing fine; they really like that hot food. I need to tweak my recipe a bit but it is doing the trick now. I've been taking my recipe and mixing it in with dry dog food and pouring very hot water over it. Makes hot rich gravy. Don't want to use too much of the recipe, it would be too rich. Seems to be working pretty well with the dry food as a base though. I'll really have to watch it if I continue it over the summer. Serve just enough so they will clean it up quickly. Don't want spoilage.
I am going to be so glad when we get our house built, and I can convert this one completely into the kennel office and kennels. That will be so nice.
I’m getting pretty excited about Team Beachbody. As far as getting in shape, I couldn’t ask for more. Excellent workouts, fitness tips, diet information, nutrition products, message board support, excellent across the board. They even have a program that deals with type II diabetes. No I am not diabetic, but someone I love very much is. On the business side, wow!
Excellent product line, excellent product support, top notch business support, excellent pay plan. Hit’s the high points on everything I was looking for. Lord knows I’ve been looking and looking. Frankly I was seriously surprised to find this opportunity.
I kind of stumbled across it when I was looking for somewhere for fitness and weight loss support. I looked at weight watchers, I looked at Ivillage, I looked at ediets, I looked at T.O.P.S., I looked at overeaters anonymous, and I considered bariatric surgery. There’s a few fitness centers/gym’s within a 50 mile radius of where I live. But frankly its nuts to try to get there in the winter when the storms roll in. Between working on line and working with my kennels taking out hours to go to a gym just isn’t happening. I live to far out for it to be practical time wise, not to mention the fuel usage.
So I started looking for workout DVDs. Team Beachbody has some primo workouts. Effective and fun. As in not boring. Hip Hop Abs, P90 X, Slim in 6, Turbo Jam just to name a few. Wow and how.
I found what I was looking for. 10 pounds down so far. 140 to go.
I was worried about having flab hanging as I lost weight. I don’t think I am going to have much of a problem with that with the workouts. It is going to be such a relief to only be carrying the weight of one person around, instead of 2. I can already feel the difference in my abs and the muscles up my back. Frankly it’s great to be rebuilding my strength too.
Gotta get some zzzzs
Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
Team Beachbody
Turn Weight loss into Profit: Learn How to Become a Beachbody Coach
307.788.0202 call me, I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Busy Day... Finally Back Online...
This is a bit of a celebration post. I'm finally back on line without fighting with my isp... I changed isp's once again. Direct to satelitte now. Knock wood it seems to be working. So far so good...
On the weightloss and fitness front. I am actually making some progress.
I've been journaling what I'm eating and what has been going on in my life. I've been working on oxycise. And working on my kennels. Between working on the internet and working with the dogs... that's pretty much my life at this point... oh yeah and fighting with my isp. Thankfully this one seems to be working. I switched to WildBlue. I am out on a ranch and the point to point isps that I tried working with weren't reliable.
Back to fat loss... goal... lose 4 inches off my waist by the end of May!
Ok gotta run...
Life is a journey...enjoy the trip... Mary and the Hairballs
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