Near my heaviest weight, yet closer to my goal than ever…

A friend of mine asked me how close I was to my goal today. Her name is Colleen. We used to belong to a group of ladies that were trying to lose weight that has long since disbanded. I started thinking about just how close I am to my goal. The following is my answer…

I miss the group too. Or rather the ladies in the group...lol... I am rather heavy, 302 lbs as of last Sunday. However I am closer to my goals than ever before.

That probably sounds pretty strange... considering that gives me over 150 lbs to lose. 303 pounds is the heaviest I have ever weighed at. If I've been heavier I don't know what the actual weight was.

So How am I closer to my goals ... I am closer to my goals because the depressive compulsive self destructive subconscious beliefs and behaviors that were so much a part of creating this unhealthy weight are no longer dominant in my life.

I eat now because I am hungry, not unconsciously burying emotions or because my stress levels are off the charts. Yes sometimes my stress levels are still off the charts. But my coping skills have shifted.

The compulsive eating got pretty hairy this past year. Having my mother live with us after the family home of over 100 years burned down... after all the issues of the past years ... was... well I don't know what it was. What I do know is that the experience was part of my journey. A journey through depression and panic attacks so bad that the muscles around my chest contracted to the point of making it nearly impossible to breathe.

Who'd a thought that could happen? It's been an interesting and challenging journey...

As hairy as some of it has been, I wouldn't change it. It's taken until now for me to be able to say that and actually mean it. The reason I wouldn't change it is ... this journey is part of what has made me who I am ... And I actually like who I am.

This is relatively new for me, and it feels good. Not everyone likes who I am... and that's ok too.

So... I am actually near my heaviest weight, really looking forward to walking that marathon in May 2011... And closer to my goal than ever before...

Life is a journey, each step adds to the richness of the composite...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202